Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

She Walked Away – Barks and Bytes

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Way back before I knew anything about introducing dogs to each other, we had a friend come for a visit and bring her lab. I left Delilah in the house and Sampson and I went outside to greet them. I’ll never forget looking up and seeing Delilah’s face smashed against the glass of the door, gnashing her teeth as she let Phoebe know in no uncertain terms that she was not welcome. Thankfully, despite my utter lack of knowledge regarding dog introductions, Delilah and Phoebe were fast friends. Phoebe followed Delilah all over the house, practically idolizing her, while Sampson turned out to be the snarky one that day.

A few years back our daughter came home for Christmas with her Bulldog puppy, Beau. As they came in late at night we didn’t get the opportunity to walk the dogs to try and acclimate to each other. Instead we introduced them in the yard, before bringing them in the house.

My dogs hated Beau. I’m not sure if it’s because he was a puppy and wasn’t getting their messages, or if it was because he is a Bulldog and they have both been attacked more than once by the Bulldogs across the street. Whatever the reason, it was a tense visit for me because they were constantly growling or snarking at the puppy and it was just easier for me to keep them gated off.

Bulldog Puppy

Beau did not understand he had to leave Sampson and Delilah alone.

Our daughter is back home again and naturally she brought Beau with her. He’s not a puppy any longer, but a fully grown Bulldog. He’s quite a sweetie, devoted to her and they go everywhere together.

Last weekend she brought him over to the house. She was stopping to pick up some mail and asked if she could put Beau in the yard. I agreed, and closed the windows and doors and put the air on.

As I stood in the kitchen chatting with her, I glanced up and there was Beau, bounding across my deck, right in front of the window Delilah watches the chipmunks from.

Oh snap I thought, if she sees him she’s going to lose her shit.

I called her over to me, where I could safely shield her behind the sink and keep her from looking out. I petted her, all the while keeping one eye on the door. I watched Beau bounce through the grass, hop down the stairs and walk up to the door.

I kept petting Delilah, talking to my daughter. “Poor puppy, he’s hot” she said, “I’ve got to get going.”

Still we talked. Delilah sitting in front of me getting her ears rubbed.

Beau scratched at the door. Delilah’s ears went up. I tried not to vomit.

Beau barked. I peed a little in my pants. Delilah walked away from me and casually sauntered over to the door, where she stood there looking at Beau, who was looking at her.

Then she walked away.

How can I be expected to write a humorous blog post if Delilah’s not cooperating?

Heart Like a Dog

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Fuggin’ Cats

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Fuggin’ Cats

Imagine this. You’re sitting on the toilet taking care of business and the phone rings, or a spider walks across the floor in front of you.

Part of you wants to jump up and answer the phone or kill that spider. But your brain says, “The person calling will leave a message and you can call them back.” And, “You can kill that spider when you finish what you are doing.”

BUT if for some reason your brain decides you should stop what you’re doing and answer that phone, or take care of that spider, your colon will let you know in no uncertain terms that you have more important business to tend to. (*Remember, the asshole is always in charge.)

NOW imagine you’re a dog, and your squatting on someone’s lawn doing your morning constitutional AND your human hasn’t done her part in scoping out the area; you’re laying the smack down on a nice patch of green grass, and you look up to see this.

Aloof Cat

I’m a cat, we’re like Honey Badgers, we just don’t give a shit.

Coincidentally your human pulls her head out of her ass and spots it the same time you do, “Leave it!” she says, which alerts your canine companion that something of interest has entered the scene. Immediately your canine friend goes on alert, her eyes searching the area looking for the culprit, and it doesn’t take her long to spot exactly what it is that you are seeing.

Meanwhile, that fuggin’ cat sits there, not more than 15 feet away from you and tries to stare you down. This gets your dander up and you bark, then lunge at that insolent cat.

Oh Mama, are you you being dramatic again?

You want a piece of me, cat?

Your canine companion has your back and joins in the fracas.

Delilah likes chasing cats

I like cats. Mostly chasing them, but I like cats.

Your human meanwhile, is shushing you (it’s 6:15 in the morning after all) and trying to figure out exactly HOW she’s going to a) get you to leave that fuggin’ cat alone and b) get you calm enough so she can bend down and collect the lovely gift you just left on Fuggin’ Cat’s lawn, then hightail it out of there without anyone losing any fur.

Fuggin’ cats!

*The asshole is always in charge…a.k.a. one of my favorite jokes of all time.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting trying to decide who was the one in charge.
“I should be in charge” said the Brain, “Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me, nothing would happen.”
“I should be in charge” said the Blood, “Because I circulate oxygen to all organs of the body, without me you would all just waste away.”
“I should be in charge” said the Stomach, “Because I process food, providing all the nutrients you need to keep yourselves running strong.”
And so it went, with all the various organs voicing their opinions about who should be in charge.
Finally the Rectum spoke up, “I should be in charge, because I’m responsible for waste removal. Where would you be without me?”
All the body parts laughed and laughed at the Rectum, which really insulted him, so he shut down.
Within a few days, the Brain was foggy and couldn’t function, the Blood was toxic and polluting the other organs, the Stomach was bloated and full of unprocessed food. And the organs all agreed the Rectum should be boss.

The moral of the story is…the Asshole is always in charge.

This is the Thursday Barks and Bytes Blog Hop hosted by 2 Brown Dawgs and Heart Like a Dog. Grab the badge and the linky code and join us!

While Barks and Bytes is for everyone, we request only blog posts be linked up and as a courtesy to other hoppers, please add the code to your post or link up to Linda or I.

Heart Like a Dog



Keeping Your Pets Safe on 4th of July

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Our town fireworks took place last night. Thankfully we live a far enough distance away that the noise registers as a quiet, BOOM! Luckily for me, Sampson and Delilah are rarely bothered by loud noises. A couple of weeks ago we had a clap of thunder in the middle of the night that literally shook the house. Delilah barked once and I don’t think Sampson even moved. (Although he has been known to run outside to bark at the sky with particularly loud boomers.)

Fireworks in our neighborhood are an entirely different matter though. Often times the neighbor two houses over has a raucous party and lights off firecrackers. Fireworks THAT close to home can really set my dogs off.

I’ve been following our local animal control’s Facebook page and discovered that July 5th is the busiest day for shelters. Why is that? Because so many pets are terrified of the noise and chaos and get scared and run off.

I think this goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. Don’t bring your pets around fireworks. A spinning, wiggling, sparkly firework could possibly tempt an animal in a game of chase, which could result in severe burns or worse.

Below is a list of a few extra precautions you can take to help keep your pet as safe as they can be this 4th of July.

  • Even if your pet is micro-chipped make sure they are wearing a collar with your name and phone number on it.
  • Try and keep your pets inside when fireworks are taking place. If they must go outside to potty, go outside with them. If possible make sure they are on leash.
  • Run the air conditioning (or fans) along with some loud music or play the TV loudly to help dull the noise.
  • Have the number for your local animal control readily available. (You don’t want to be trying to look something up when you are in a blind panic.)
  • Have a current picture of your pet handy, just in case.
  • Don’t leave your pet alone if you can help it. If you must leave them alone, consider making a nest for them in a small area of your home, one where they cannot hurt themselves and consider leaving the air conditioning and music on in there to help muffle the noise.
  • If you have tried all of these and nothing is helping, consult your veterinarian to help find something that will work for your pet. There are many natural as well as prescribed solutions that might help.

And remember, it’s not just pets that don’t care for fireworks, some combat veterans have a real problem with loud noises, especially those that sound like gun fire.

To help spread the word, Sampson and Delilah made a little public service announcement.

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You can help us spread the word by sharing this post on your social media platforms, or if you’d just like to share the photo, you can grab it on our Facebook page.

This is the Thursday Barks and Bytes Blog Hop hosted by 2 Brown Dawgs and Heart Like a Dog. Grab the badge and the linky code and join us!

While Barks and Bytes is for everyone, we request only blog posts be linked up and as a courtesy to other hoppers, please add the code to your post or link up to Linda or I.

Heart Like a Dog



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