I had a dream. In this dream I could talk to any animal or any person and they would understand everything I said. It was the ultimate super power.
Okay, that’s a total lie. I never had a dream, I just thought the intro sounded better than saying the Doctor Doolittle song has been rolling around in my head, making me wonder what kind of message I would tell my dogs if they could actually understand what I was saying to them.
Some of the things I’d really like Delilah to understand:
- The kitchen timer DOES NOT mean, it’s time for you to eat. The same holds true when I open the refrigerator, freezer and pantry doors. Stop racing me to the kitchen, you’re going to kill me one of these days.
- I love walking in the woods with you, but not chasing you.
- When I’m petting Sampson, I’m petting him. I don’t need you shoving your body in the two inch space that is between us.
- I’d appreciate it if you could refrain from laying under my upraised recliner. I hate bopping you on the head when I go to get up.
- My finger is not part of the treat, I’m actually quite attached to it. Please try and remember that.
- I am feeding you a good quality food and in the proper quantity. You don’t need to eat poop. Besides being disgusting, it smells when you burp or fart.
Some of the things I’d like Sampson to understand:
- I’m sorry that Delilah has changed so many things about your life, had I known how much our lives would change, I would have made a different choice.
- Stop, drop and roll is not for the bedroom! I love how you like to be plastered against me when we sleep, and I don’t even mind if you sleep on me, but it would be nice if you laid down gently on me, instead of dropping your whole 90 pounds in 2 seconds.
- Your leg feels better because of all the pills I am hiding in your coconut oil. Stop spitting them out!
- Stop running!! We’re trying to prevent you from needing surgery on your leg AND for the love of woof, use the freakin steps we bought for the bed!
- It doesn’t matter how you move your head, my finger will only go so far into your ear.
SlimDoggy posted this on their Facebook page the other day, which helped motivate me to write this post. Thanks SlimDoggy!
What would you say if you could talk to your animals? Anything in particular you’d like them to know?
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