Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Definitely – Barks and Bytes

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I know a lot of folks have already written about indoor games to play with your pups when the weather is bad. So if you want to skip this post, go right ahead.  Except you’ll probably miss some pretty funny shit, well at least you might giggle.  I’m not sure about shooting coffee out your nose funny, but you should definitely giggle.

Definitely.

We are currently in the midst of record cold.  I’d venture to include snow in there, but I know we’ve had winters where we’ve had more accumulation than this year, the difference being the frequency with which we’ve been getting snow.  Up until this week, it seemed we got at least 6 to 8 inches every few days.  (Honestly I do know some women who would be happy to get 6 to 8 inches on a regular basis, but this is a post about snow and bored dogs so let’s move along.)

But it does remind me of the story where the female news anchor, disappointed with the non-existent snow promised by the weather man, asked on the air, “So Dave, where is the eight inches you promised me last night?”

Bah dump dum!  I hear the newsroom dissolved in laughter and the female anchor turned fifty shades of red.  😉

Where was I before I distracted myself?

Oh yeah.

There have been a couple of sub-zero days when either the dogs or myself are unwilling to go outside to walk.  I’m good with that, but I still want to give them a bit of mind stimulation at the very least.  If not I could come home to a terrible mess because of a bored dog.  (Not saying who.)

Another poop post? When will you grow up?

Oh you’re NOT saying WHO, but my picture goes up!  Thanks Mama, thanks a lot.

I have a few boxes set aside to play scent work with when the weather is cold, so this week I broke out the boxes and we played some scent games in the house.

I use a small bowl to place the treat in, and then place the bowl inside the box.  This keeps 1) someone (see above) from eating the box and 2) also helps to keep the scent from attaching to the box and giving off a false positive.

I have sneaky little shits for dogs, and I had to keep being inventive of box placement because they kept peeking!   So the boxes moved from one place to another and another.  Eventually we wound up in the hallway.

At first I was using regular treats, but when we moved into the hallway I added (cover your eyes Emma) rabbit!

Coincidentally, there are four doors in the hallway and I had four receptacles for scent work.  I started out placing a box in each doorway and adding the treat to one of the boxes at the furthest end of the hall.

One of my dogs will sit patiently when you tell him to wait, the other one (not saying who) has to be held back.

I got a good thing going here. Thankyouverymuch.

Again? So this is where the saying, ” rolled under a bus” comes from?  What the woof Mama?

So there we are in the hall using the treats and I think to myself, hmmm I wonder what would happen if I set a piece of this rabbit jerky on the floor in the first doorway and another treat in the box at the end of the hall?

Two different dogs, two different results.

So what do you think happened? Let me know in the comments, I’ll share the rest of this tomorrow.

Heart Like a Dog

Welcome to Thursday’s Barks and Bytes hosted by 2 Brown Dawgs and Heart Like a Dog. The Barks and Bytes hop is for anything at all and all bloggers are welcome. You don’t have to be a dog blog to join. For new blog hoppers, a blog hop is list of links that is shared on multiple blogs. In order to be fair to all participants Linda and I ask you to please use the linky list. If your blog does not support a linky list, please link back to either Linda or I.

It’s Colder Than a Witch’s Tit (a Look at Crazy Sayings)

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Sunday was beautiful, even though we got another 8 inches of snow the sun seems to understand its job.  The sun is warm and the temperatures rose into the 40’s.  The 40’s!  It was heavenly.  I actually walked the dogs with just a light jacket.

Then over night it got cold again and record cold is expected through 10:00 am this morning. Of course I bundle up when we walk, but the wind is biting.  I found myself saying, “It’s colder than a witch’s tit out here.”

Then I thought, what exactly does that mean?

Golden Lab

Some dogs get normal people for moms. Apparently I’m not one of them.

Are we talking actual body temperature?  Because if that’s the case, and a witch’s body temperature runs along the lines of the rest of us, that would mean that anything colder than say like 98 degrees is colder than a witch’s tit.

Or does it mean a witch is so butt ugly that nothing would attach to her boob?

I thought, wouldn’t it be fun to check out some other nonsensical sayings?

Here’s a few I found by googling.  You’ll find my interpretation in parenthesis.

  • It’s so cold that Bill Clinton is sleeping with his own wife in order to keep warm. (This one is self-explanatory.)
  • It’s so cold, my balls have became ovaries. (Obviously referring to a man.  Interpretation – his balls shrunk so freaking much they tucked themselves into his body.  No eggs though.)
  • It’s so cold when you opened the door to the house the small light in front went on! (I’m guessing this references the cold has seeped into the house making if feel like a refrigerator.)
  • The fire hydrant is begging a dog to pee on it. (Let’s face it, everyone likes a warm shower, especially in the cold.)
  • I’ve got to crank a steamer.  (We all know this refers to the warmth of poop when it exits the body.  The steam part is definitely emphasized in cold weather.)
  • It is so cold I could cut glass with my nipples. (Yup, when it’s cold the nipples get hard.  Those little puppies are so stiff, they’re hard as diamonds and yes, diamonds cut glass.)

How about you?  Do you have any cold weather sayings?  Do you want my interperation or do you have your own?  Would you like to share?

Poop Makes the Best Posts

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About six weeks ago, Maggie from Oh My Dog posted a link on Facebook to her blog post.  The post was about poop.

In the comments I said, “Poop makes the best posts.”

And she responded, “They do make the best posts!” (Or something close to that.)

I don’t know about you, but I get the best comments when I post about poop.  Seriously, the comments are the absolute best.

Another poop post? When will you grow up?

Another poop post? When will you grow up?

I have a theory about why that is.

Wanna hear it?  Of course you do, you wouldn’t still be reading if you didn’t.

The reason poop posts make the best posts is simple.

Everybody poops.  Everybody’s dog poops.  It’s something we all have in common and therefore we can all relate to it.

I can tell you a story about Delilah and how she climbed up to get a hamburger bun out of the sink, and you will laugh, because it is funny.  

EXCEPT… if you’ve never had a counter surfer (or a dog large enough to reach the sink) you will find it amusing, but not relatable.

BUT every one of you has a poop story.  Whether it’s your own, or your dogs, you have a story. Every. Single. One. Of. You.

I can tell you, that right now we have a lot of snow and more came yesterday.  It is piled up close to four feet high on the sides of the road. This means there is no where for the dogs to poop on our walks, so they have to poop in the street.  

Labs-in-snow

Holy woof, do you think we’ll have to wait til’ spring to find a place to poop?

Now many of you don’t have snow, don’t walk in snow and there may even be some of you who have never seen snow.  BUT you can still relate because odds are, if you have a dog, that dog has in fact pooped somewhere it shouldn’t have.

So when I share with you about the time I didn’t judge the ‘grab’ and I ended up with a wee bit of poo on the tip of my finger, you can understand that even though I wiped it on grass, I knew that shit touched my finger and I fixated on it the entire walk, until I finally got home and could wash my hands.

Or the time the only bag I had split and I was able to mickey rig it together, but searched every paper box we passed for a plastic bag I could commandeer, to ensure my ‘treasure’ didn’t get lost on the way home.

Um, there also might have been a time I was walking the dogs and went to pick up a poop and dropped it on my foot.  My foot that was in open toed sandals.  I dropped the poop on my toe, and immediately flicked my foot like the turd was a hacky sack.  I opened my mouth and squealed.

Good thing I’m not good with the hacky sack, that could have been a whole different poop story.

I bet you have your own awesome poop stories. I’d love for you to share them in the comments.

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