I had my twin daughters straight out of high school, so as a result I was a much older adult (37ish?) when I found the time/energy/finances to attend college.

As an older adult learner, I found I really enjoyed school, in fact, I excelled at it and loved  going and learning and getting good grades. Grades in fact, were my highest priority. And while it took me 5-years to complete a 2-year degree, I was so proud to graduate Magna Cum Laude. (Fuck you earth sciences! You stole my Summa!)

One of the things I discovered while attending college was, the more anxious/nervous I was, the better I did on tests. On those days when I walked confidently and calmly into an exam, chances were I wasn’t acing it.

And so it is in the rest of my life. When I’m super anxious about something, odds are, things are going to be fine, and when I’m fairly calm, the unexpected happens.

Before I tell you this, please know that Sampson is okay.

I calmly dropped Sampson off at the vet on Tuesday, I’d slept fairly well the night before (another thing that should have tipped me off) and had no real nerves/anxiety about the procedure.

I had to run home after dropping him off to finish feeding Delilah and let her out to potty. It was super cold out, so I left the car running with my purse and cell phone inside.

This would be the great part where the car was stolen from my driveway, but that didn’t happen.

Instead, I missed a call from the vet.

So when I got back into the car I realized she’d left a voice-mail. I called her back and that’s when she told me that Sampson had an Arrhythmia and she thought she detected a slight heart murmur. The tooth pulling was off as she didn’t feel it safe to put him under anesthesia.

Things change in this world so rapidly. Sampson had his annual wellness exam in November, (November 11th to be exact) and everything was fine. Now here we are just over two months later and he has a heart murmur and an irregular heartbeat.

Since he was at the vet’s office on Tuesday, they did a chest x-ray which showed his heart was NOT enlarged, which is a really good thing.  The next suggested step was an EKG and an ultrasound. As luck would have it, the traveling vet who performs the ultrasounds was in the office yesterday and they’d had a cancellation, so Sampson got that spot.

From everything I’ve heard about him, he’s very knowledgeable and does ultrasounds and consults in vet offices all over New England.

So yesterday I dropped Sampson off at the vet’s office again. Poor pup missed breakfast two days in a row and don’t even get me started on what a pain in the ass Delilah was.

Around 2:00 I headed home to give Delilah her walk and on my way, my vet called. The ultrasound of Sampson’s heart showed no abnormalities, and apparently the next logical thing to be causing the Arrhythmia is a mass on the liver or spleen. We briefly discussed the cost and then I asked her when I could expect to hear from her and she said by 3:00 and we said goodbye.

I hung up the phone and then I cried. Big, gasping, gulping sobs. I felt like I’d been sucker punched in the gut.

I managed to make it home, and grabbed Delilah and headed out for our walk. Thankfully she headed up to the woods and as we walked those paths that Sampson loves, I prayed.

Now some of you may not believe in God or prayer and that’s cool. We are each here on our own paths and with our own belief systems. Personally I believe and I believe in prayers, so here’s what said, “I’m not going to barter with you because we both know how well I hold up my end of the bargain, but I will beg you. Please, please let him be okay. Please don’t let it end like this.”

The worst 38 minutes of my life took place on that walk.

My stomach was in knots and I’m so glad it wasn’t freezing cold because I would have looked like Jack Frost with frozen tears on my face. When the call finally came I had all I could do to speak coherently.

The ultrasound showed a slightly leaky heart valve, which is the heart murmur my vet heard. She’s not overly concerned about that. It also showed the slight Arrhythmia. There were no masses or abnormalities on his heart, liver or spleen.

The only thing they found was a “weird little nodule” (her words) on his adrenal gland. She said it could be the start of Cushings disease or it could be nothing.  She took his blood pressure and drew some blood to test and needs a morning urine sample and then we go from there. If it’s not Cushing’s, we will monitor him and recheck that adrenal in a month or two.

When I hung up that phone, right then and there in the middle of that rocky, acorn, leaf strewn woods, I dropped down on my knees and thanked the Lord for answering my prayers.

As a writer, one would think one could find words to express gratitude, but all I could come up with was “Thank you! Thank you!” while I sobbed anew, with Delilah sticking her face in mine because she knew I was upset.

So here’s a new twist on an old riddle. “If someone cries in the woods and no-one is around to hear it, is there still a sound?”

HELL YES!

When I picked Sampson up last night I had the chance to speak with my vet again. She said Sampson’s blood pressure was a bit high, but she’d like to take it again when I’m there with him and he hasn’t been at the vet’s all day. I also need to get that urine sample from him and once we get all those tests back, we may not know what it is, but we will know what it’s NOT.

Then we can reschedule the ultrasound just to cover all our bases. For all we know, Sampson could have had that weird little nodule on his adrenal gland forever. She also said the Arrhythmia and the murmur aren’t anything that require meds or treatment at this time. We just need to monitor him.

And so it is in life. Things change, stuff happens but through it all, people still love and care for each other and so I want to thank all of you. For the comments, texts and messages and for checking in on Sampson and me. For caring for my dogs and me,  it’s new territory we’re delving into and I’m so glad to have you all along for the moral support.

 

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