Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

My Gated Community

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Hey everyone, Sampson here taking over for the Mama this morning.

 I’ve heard Mama talk about gated communities.  In fact she was all excited about one she heard about in North Carolina that had lots of hiking trails, a river and lake.  I’ve been to North Carolina on vacation a couple of times and it’s a pretty neat place so I was all on board with it.  Besides anywhere I’m with my Mama is a fine place to me.

But then the Mama made OUR house into a gated community and I think I’ve changed my mind.

Check it out.

Not a gate but effective at keeping me away.

Not a gate but effective at keeping me away.

These chairs used to be in our dining room around our table. Now they sit in front of my favorite window, and I can’t see out it.

A makeshift gate across our stairs to the outside.

A makeshift gate across our stairs to the outside.

Daddy made this to fit across the top of our stairs.  Now I can’t run down them to greet people when they come to visit me.

Someday stairs, someday I will run down you again.

Someday stairs, someday I will run down you again.

Instead I have to lie at the top of the stairs and wait for folks to make their way to me.

This is my couch. MY COUCH.

This is my couch. MY COUCH.

Up until a few weeks ago it was completely off limits.  The Mama removed one of the gates and placed the weird stairs there instead, because she knows that side of the couch is MINE and she thinks I’ll use the stairs to get on MY COUCH.  Except I hate those stairs and I won’t use them.

Last week there was an added twist….

Then, in a mean spirited moment, my Mama removed the blocks so I could climb up on the couch. Except my favorite spot is where those dreadful stairs are. I hear my couch calling, but I can't answer the call.

 In a mean spirited moment, My Mama removed the gates  so I could climb up on the couch, but she left the stairs right in front of my spot.  Not using them!  I hear my couch calling, but I can’t answer the call.

 

As if there gates weren't cruel enough, blocking me from everything I love, LOOK. This is where I should be going into my bedroom. Except I'm not allowed and now Delilah sleeps in there with my Daddy.

The door to my bedroom.  Off limits.

This is where we all used to sleep together. Now the Mama and I sleep in another room and Daddy and Delilah sleep in our room.

fdkfdsfdlk

The room the Mama and I sleep in. 

For a while I had to stay in there all the time, sometimes she even locked me in!  

While I know the Mama has my best interests at heart, sometimes it feels like she’s going a little overboard.  Sirisuly, you wouldn’t want to live in a gated community like this would you?

I Know Why They’re Called Labradors

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One of my favorite things to do is to figure out how certain sayings came to be.

Some of them are easy and make perfect sense to me, such as “A stitch in time saves nine.”  I interpret that as if you can catch a tear when it’s small and fix it with a quick stitch, you will save yourself a hefty repair down the road.

“Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”  I heard tell back in the day, baths came about on Saturday night and folks used the same water.  Starting with dad, moving to mom and progressing down the line, so by the time the baby got their bath it was so dirty, you might actually lose track of the baby.  EWWW!! (This one makes me particularly pleased that we have modern plumbing.)

“A penny saved is a penny earned.”  Never could figure that one out, I mean whether you spent or saved it, you still earned it, no?

Do you remember this saying?  “You make a better door than you do a window.”  My mother used to say it to us all the time.  Well the other night I finally figured it out and at the same time I realized why they’re called Labradoors.  Yes, we’ve been spelling it wrong all this time.

Here’s how the epiphany happened.  The other night Hubby and I were watching a television show.  Sampson was lying on the floor and as I’m prone to do, I got down on the floor with him and was rubbing his leg.  All was well except I couldn’t see the TV show because a LabraDOOR was standing directly in my line of sight.

Then I thought back to all the times she’s stood in my way, effectively blocking me from moving.   I can’t tell you how many times I have to switch direction just to get around Delilah.

You're really very cruel you know, I'm only looking out for you. I heard watching TV is bad for your eyes.

You’re really very cruel you know, I’m only looking out for you. I heard watching too much TV is bad for your eyes.

Or the times I’ve turned around and end up with arms flailing trying to keep myself from falling over her.  Or the times I go spread a throw rug or her placemat only to have her stand on it as soon as it touches the floor.  Or how she stands right in the area of the room I’m currently vacuuming.

Maybe I should call her a Labraobstacle instead.  I wonder if the AKC would recognize it as a breed?

If I Could Talk to My Animals

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I had a dream.   In this dream I could talk to any animal or any person and they would understand everything I said.  It was the ultimate super power.

Okay, that’s a total lie.  I never had a dream, I just thought the intro sounded better than saying the Doctor Doolittle song has been rolling around in my head, making me wonder what kind of message I would tell my dogs if they could actually understand what I was saying to them.

Some of the things I’d really like Delilah to understand:

  • The kitchen timer DOES NOT mean, it’s time for you to eat.  The same holds true when I open the refrigerator, freezer and pantry doors.  Stop racing me to the kitchen, you’re going to kill me one of these days.
  • I love walking in the woods with you, but not chasing you.
  • When I’m petting Sampson, I’m petting him.  I don’t need you shoving your body in the two inch space that is between us.
  • I’d appreciate it if you could refrain from laying under my upraised recliner.  I hate bopping you on the head when I go to get up.
  • My finger is not part of the treat, I’m actually quite attached to it.  Please try and remember that.
  • I am feeding you a good quality food and in the proper quantity.  You don’t need to eat poop.  Besides being disgusting, it smells when you burp or fart.
When you talk what I hear is "WhaaaatWah."

When you talk what I hear is “WhaaaatWah.”

Some of the things I’d like Sampson to understand:

  • I’m sorry that Delilah has changed so many things about your life, had I known how much our lives would change, I would have made a different choice.
  • Stop, drop and roll is not for the bedroom!  I love how you like to be plastered against me when we sleep, and I don’t even mind if you sleep on me, but it would be nice if you laid down gently on me, instead of dropping your whole 90 pounds in 2 seconds.
  • Your leg feels better because of all the pills I am hiding in your coconut oil.  Stop spitting them out!
  • Stop running!!  We’re trying to prevent you from needing surgery on your leg AND for the love of woof, use the freakin steps we bought for the bed!
  • It doesn’t matter how you move your head, my finger will only go so far into your ear.
Found this on SlimDoggy's Facebook page, thanks for sharing!

Found this on SlimDoggy’s Facebook page, thanks for sharing!

SlimDoggy posted this on their Facebook page the other day, which helped motivate me to write this post.  Thanks SlimDoggy!

What would you say if you could talk to your animals?  Anything in particular you’d like them to know?

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