Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Plucking My Last Nerve

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This weekend it seemed like Delilah was trying to pluck my last nerve.

It started out on Friday night.  I was having some trouble defrosting their food and bringing the temperature up from ice cold.  I emptied the dishpan, added some warm water and set her dish inside it, I sat down in the living room.  A few minutes later I went in, changed the water and placed the bowl back in the sink.  Walked back to the living room and Delilah was in the sink trying to eat the food.

I was so mad, I yelled quite loudly and made her lie on her bed until it was time for dinner.

And you know what?  I didn’t feel bad about it either.

Saturday morning we went downstairs to open Mom’s blinds and Delilah stole a muffin mom was defrosting for breakfast.  Luckily, I was right there and quickly grabbed it.  The she took a pair of Mom’s underwear out of the laundry and rolled in them.

My sister came in with Mom’s groceries and while we were bringing the bags in and trying to put the groceries away,  Delilah ate a grape. 

My sister was upset, but I just shrugged it off and said, “She already stole Mom’s muffin.”

Now you guys know me, I’m not politically correct, and if you haven’t figured it out yet, sometimes I can be a bit….what shall I call it? 

I’m going with raunchy.

Well no surprise, but my sister is too.  Anyhoo, this statement, “She already stole Mom’s muffin” understandably got my sister and I off on a tangent.

Sister: “She stole Mom’s muffin?  I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

Me:  “She did, she stole Mom’s muffin.”

Sister: “Did she lick Mom’s muffin too”

You get the idea where the conversation went from there.  Quite truthfully, I can’t remember much of it, probably because I was laughing so hard.

Of course, Delilah was now on a roll and the weekend continued from there.

She licked my tomato soup cup and I’m pretty sure she drank water out of the sink.

Finally yesterday morning she took a buttery spatula out of the sink and brought it into the living room to clean up on my brand-new-less-than-24-hours-old throw rug.

And people wonder why I start my day with whiskey in my coffee.

It’s because of this dog.

That's just a load of tosh. Look at this face, would I do something like that?

That’s just a load of tosh. Look at this face, a sweet face like this wouldn’t do all those things.  Would it?

 It boggles my mind.  Because she knows so many words. Like last night for instance I gave her her frozen Kong and she took it into the living room and put it down on the new rug.  I went in and said “Eck, no, over here.” And she picked up the Kong and moved.

WTF why can’t she understand not to steal stuff off the counters? Any of you have luck training dogs like Delilah?

Praying for Poop

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Yesterday morning we woke up to cold rain.  Sampson and Delilah aren’t fond of going outside to potty in the rain, but if we’re walking even if  it’s raining, they are keen to go.

The three of us were drenched when we got home.  I dried the dogs off, hung leashes, collars, harnesses, gloves and coats by the fire and threw another log on. Lucky for me my coat was dry in time to go to work.  I gave the dogs each a carrot and left them curled up toasty and warm in front of a raging fire.

I went to work hoping the weather would clear in time for our afternoon walk.

It didn’t.

It was rainy and 46 cold degrees on our afternoon walk.  We walked out the door to the end of the driveway.  Delilah stopped, rooting about in leaves.  I saw the second poop just after she swallowed the first one.

She was quicker than I was.

I don’t know about you, but when my dog is eating something my first thought is to get it away from her.  I don’t actually think about what she’s eating, just that she’s eating.

You see where I’m going, right?

Yeah, I sort of shoved my gloved hand in her mouth to try to get it out.

All I accomplished was getting a glove covered in shit.

I took the gloves off in disgust and threw them on the ground.

Yeah, there are my gloves, sitting in the rain, while I walk gloveless.

Yeah, there are my gloves, sitting in the rain, while I walk gloveless.

I’d have to walk in the cold rain without gloves.  I wrapped the leash around my wrists and shoved my hands in my pockets.

A few minutes later I pulled my hand out to untangle leashes and I smelled it.  WTF?

GREAT, not only did I get shit on my gloves, my hand stunk like it too!  I’d have to finish the walk with my hands fully exposed to the elements.  My mood toward Delilah darkened and I cast her an evil look out of the side of my eye.  In fact when she bent down to sniff at something, I pretty certain I threatened her with bodily harm.

Sampson meanwhile keeps looking up at me wanting me to treat him.

Notice I'm standing on the side with the hand that DIDN'T go in her mouth.

Notice I’m standing on the side with the hand that DIDN’T go in her mouth.

Which is hard to do because as soon as Delilah hears him crunching, she wants a treat too and I’m not sticking my hand near her mouth again!

Suddenly Sampson sees two white tail deer in a yard!  He looks at me and barks, “I know, I see it too buddy.”  I also see the glint in his eye and brace myself for the launch.  “Don’t do it, buddy!  Leave it!” I say.  He looks dejected but settles for a treat.

It’s now about ten minutes into our walk. My hands are wet, cold and red. I begin to pray that one of them will take a dump, just so I’ll  have something warm to wrap my hand around, I mean, it already stinks like shit right?  Why not go for the whole enchilada?

Finally about 1/2 way through our walk Delilah rewards me.  Actually I think it was an attempt to redeem herself.  Now at least for a few minutes I have something warm to hold on to.  And yes, I latched on to that like it was my birthday and I was being offered cake.

About 20 minutes or so after we started our walk, we arrived home once again drenched to the skin.

Thankfully we had a fire going to warm us, and a washer to clean up my gloves, the leashes and my jacket.

It was a walk I wanted over before it really began.  Do you ever have one of those walks? What are your secrets to make a bad weather walk better?

My Dog Ate What? – WTF Wednesday

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You've heard this one right?

This time it’s me.

A couple of weeks ago I took the owners of a  sock eating Great Dane to task. In my post I asked, “Do these people pay attention to their dog at all?”

Turns out, my dog ate something I wasn’t aware of.

Last week I’m walking the dogs when Sampson needs to do his pooping business.  As I’m standing there watching (really, you have to pay attention people) I see a poop come out and it had lots of grass in it, and something blue. 

Yeah, BLUE!  WTF!! I took a quick look as I picked it up and at first glance it looked like a gum packet.  Odd, but not impossible, but I’m standing on the side of the road, with two crazy dogs so I couldn’t examine it more closely.  I closed the bag and went on my way.

Curiosity is a funny thing.  I was consumed by that poop the whole way home, sort of like a kid in the candy store with a dollar in my pocket.  In fact that poop bag practically spoke to me the entire way home.  Open me, open me, you know you want to.  See what treasures I contain.  (I admit, treasures might not be the best word to use in this particular instance.)  The point is,  I was just itching to open the bag to see what Sampson could possibly have eaten.

As soon as I got into the yard I opened the bag.

No I did not take a photo and you are welcome.

There was something blue alright but it turns out it wasn’t a gum packet.  It was one of those little white and blue packets that you find in freeze-dried treats.  These little packets are generally made of one of three things; iron oxide, silicon or charcoal.  The only one that presents any danger to your pet is the iron.  But seeing as I didn’t know this yet, I left the bag on top of the garbage bin, just in case the vet needed to see it And then I placed a call to my vet.

I said, “You guys must wonder if I watch my frickin’ dogs at all!”

The vet tech laughed and said, “We don’t think that at all!”  Then I heard her whisper to the other tech, “It’s Jodi Stone, guess what her dog ate this time?” 

The other tech said, “Wait a minute let me look up her history.” And yet another one said, “I’ve got $5 it’s Delilah and she ate chocolate.”

That conversation really didn’t happen, at least not when I could hear it.

Long story short, since Sampson had passed the packet and was acting fine, there was nothing to be concerned about.

When Hubby got home I told him what I’d found.   Of course he wanted to see for himself.  (It’s human nature I tell ya!) Hubby and I both had WTF expressions on our faces because Sampson IS NOT the dog that eats stuff.  Literally I can set a plate of food on the floor in front of him and tell him to leave it and walk away and he won’t touch it.

We finally figured out it was from the package of Freeze-dried tripe that we use for their meals.  Unbeknownst to us, it must have fallen out and because it smelled like Tripe, well Sampson ate it.

I guess Sampson figures if Delilah can eat Balsamic Vinegar spiders, he can eat tripe flavored silicone packets.

Really? You HAD to go there? WTF is wrong with you Mama?

Really? You HAD to go there? WTF is wrong with you Mama?

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