My love,
It is six months today since your dad and I helped you to the bridge. I miss you. I miss you more than words can say. It has not been easy for me, moving through this time in my life without you. In fact, these last six moths have shown me how much I relied on you, your joy for life and people, your calm demeanor, your ability to help center me and of course, your unconditional love for me.
I wish I could tell you that I’m fine, but I’m not. I still have periods of sadness, when I miss you and I still cry. I will tell you these periods do not go on for days as they did before. They are more like moments. Sometimes moments strung together, but they are moments.
One thing I think that did help me was I made a place to honor you. It was something I’d been wanting to do, but I wasn’t quite sure how. I’d seen how some of our blogging friends had made memorials, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted for you.
About a month ago, I figured it out.
My Memorial to the Most Special Dog I’ve Ever Known.
It’s a little dark, but I know you can see it. The top is your picture, the tin with your ashes and your collar. Below it, is Roxanne’s tin and a Rainbow model. Jenna got the rainbow project last year for Christmas and wasn’t happy with the way she painted it. I knew exactly what to do with it. I added battery operated lights to each shelf and I set that shelf right in front of where Dad and I sit in the living room. It gives me some comfort to look up and see you right there.
I am also looking for signs of you around me. Auntie Sheena tells me you are here, but my grief is SO strong I cannot feel you. Instead I ‘see’ you in signs. When speaking with the animal communicator, I asked for a blue feather, you responded that was too easy, you’d send me a bird. In fact, many days there are birds that stand on the rail of the desk and look in at me. There’s been a Blue Jay that keeps showing up in the yard. I take these as signs from you and they make me smile.
Of course, there are also times when I know you come through in Delilah. Seconds where she lays her head on me like you used to, or she sleeps in a certain position that you did. Those are moments that bring me comfort and make me smile.
So, my love. Here we are. Six months gone. Six months without you. I’m here, I’m functioning, still standing, just maybe not as tall.
I love you so much.
Mama
Sampson Aragorn Stone – July 30, 2004 – May 8, 2020
Author’s Note: There are books to help you deal with the loss of your pet. Support groups on Facebook and in real life. Counselors who can help you work through your grief. I am working through mine. It is NOT easy. The bond Sampson and I had was extremely deep. It hurts me to be without him. It hurts me when someone says, “He was in pain.” “You did the right thing.” “He’s in a better place.” Those things might make some people feel better, but not me.
“Grief is like an ocean, some days it is calm, and some days it can seem endless and come at you in waves.” Author, Jodi Stone.
I’m so sorry you are suffering so much with out him because I know that same pain and have had it for two years. He was such a sweet and special boy. Honoring him in your living room is perfect so he is always there. I have Emma all over the house. Seeing her makes me sad, but I want her around me. We miss all our lost furry ones, but some have a much deeper bond with us than others. Hugs to you and keep seeing the signs Sampson sends, he is there with you.
Thank you, I know you struggle like I do. These special dogs are so amazing, but leave such a void when they are gone. Hugs to you as well, hang in there, one day (I have to believe) we will see them again.
That’s it exactly, the void in our lives is so keenly felt, it’s sometimes overwhelming. When you lose a heart dog, it’s like losing a part of yourself.
I’m so sorry you are going through this loss. I’ve had to experience that pain too many times, and as you know, it’s wrecked me. It’s been years since I lost my Mojo, Chloe and Lad, and I still miss them. My recent losses in the last two years made me quit blogging until just this week. I didn’t want to write a dog blog when my Holly and Abby were gone. The only thing I can say is it does eventually get better, but there is no time line. We each deal with our grief in our own ways. Just know that we know exactly what you are going through.
I can only imagine your heartache, such special babies and it can really affect us in so many ways. One of the reasons my blogging slowed down was because of the dogs. I mean, they were aging and there were health challenges and it’s a really sad time and hard to write about.
Oh my friend, how I feel your pain and sadness. I miss my girls and Radar every day. The girls, especially, were the heart and soul of my blog. I “see” them frequently. Radar lets me know he’s here with us as well…sometimes I feel him leaning into me at the ice/water dispenser in the freezer door…but I know they’re all here watching over Ducky whenever we have to leave her home alone. I have leaky-eyed moments, too, when the sadness overwhelms me. But dear, sweet Ducky senses those moments coming and finds a way to comfort me.
Thank you honey, I know you do. I’m glad you see them and I’m glad Ducky is there to comfort you.
The tears are streaming hot down my cheeks. I know exactly what you’re going through; I’m still grieving 9 months after Sam crossed the Rainbow Bridge. These special heart dogs…not sure we ever ‘get over’ the pain of their loss but going through photos and smiling through the sadness is the reality one faces. Please know we continue to think of you and send warm thoughts of comfort. 💔
Oh my friend, I’m so sorry. I know you are going through this too and I’m sorry I haven’t reached out to you and offer you comfort and support. I think of you and those sweeties quite often. Hugs.
The memorial is beautiful, and I’m so glad it gives you some comfort. I’m also glad Sampson is sending you those signs that he is still with you. But we want to just physically see them so badly, don’t we? When we lost our first dog Shelby, I always just wanted to see her, just once, romping through the yard. The loss of someone we love so much is SO hard. 🙁 ♥
Yes. Yes we do want to see them, and hold them. Did you ever see Shelby? Did you ever feel her presence?
I feel for you. When I lost my LOVE, Tristan Patrick, after 16 years together, I was devastated! He had a toy ladybug that he carried everywhere, and that season after he passed I found ladybugs EVERYWHERE ! I wrote & illustrated a short story, “Tristan, Angel Dog” and also made a memory wall of his photos and my paintings of him, so I could see him every night. To this day, even though I have had other dogs in my life I know that when I look into his eyes Triss and I will always be connected at Soul level.
Oh Jan, I’m so sorry. I know how you must have felt.
How wonderful you made a book and a memorial wall! What a lovely idea.
I am looking forward to the day when I see Sampson again.
It’s sure not easy and it just stinks at times, we totally understand and we all send hugs and love your way.
Thank you, we know you have had your own share of heartaches.
I like the memorial you made for Sampson and the little signs he’s been sending you. I get signs from my loved ones too, and it makes me feel better knowing they are still with me. ❤️
It’s good to receive those signs, isn’t it?