Some of you may remember the (hem, hem) ‘incident’ with Sampson and his morning friend. If you forgot, or you just want another chuckle, you can read about it HERE.
So..the saga continues.
Most days there isn’t an issue.
Some days we have instances where he’s licking, but it’s not out of control.
Rare days, we have full blown, rise to the occasion, issues.
This happened a few months ago. I got home from work and was changing into my walking clothes. As I was putting my shoes on, I noticed Sampson was once again, licking himself. His penis was enlarged, his ‘lipstick’ was beginning to show and he was panting heavily.
Clearly he was uncomfortable as he kept pushing at me to pet him. I reassured him he was okay, and we’d get outside as soon as possible, as that usually makes him feel better.
I figured it’s probably best to grab a urine sample, so I reached into the cabinet, grabbed my handy dandy urine sample kit and out the door we went. He hurried to the gate, a determined purpose in his steps.
Because it’s no fun when you’re covered in dog pee.
He had no trouble walking or urinating, and I easily obtained a sample. Then I wandered the neighborhood, flashlight, filled poop bag, urine sample, ladle and leash in my hand, while we finished our walk.
After walking Delilah, I hurried to the vet’s office to drop off the sample and asked if I could wait for the results. (It seemed counter-productive to drive home, only to turn around and come back for the antibiotic.)
After a few minutes Dr. Soutter came out and said “There’s no infection. There’s no blood in the urine, and no white cells.”
“So what could it be?” I questioned.
“His little adrenal could be shooting out some hormones…. His prepubice could be dry.”
Then she got a little red in the face and said, “You’re going to hate me for this, and forgive me for saying it, but try putting a little KY jelly on it.”
Say WHAT?
I said the first thing that popped into my head. “Um…I don’t think I have any KY jelly at home…”
“Here’s the good news, it’s everywhere,” she responded.
My next question, “Can I use Vaseline?” (Hey! It beats the looks I’m going to get when I purchase that KY jelly.)
“NO! It has to be water-based.”
SO… I stopped at Rite-Aid on my way home.
Which is how I ended up with my dog stretched out on the bed, a tube of KY jelly in my hand.
“Get a male dog, they said. They’re easier then female dogs, they said.” (Who are you people, and why do you say such things?)
KY jelly.
On my dog’s prepubice.
I took a deep breath and squeezed a small amount on my finger, then I gently dabbed it in.
At first he sat up, and looked at me. He took a sniff of the KY. Didn’t seem interested and lay back down. I finished the dabbing, got up and went into the bathroom to wash my hands.
When I came out, he was laying on the bed, a huge smile on his face.
I feel like a cigarette might be in order here.
I felt dirty, so I went and took a shower. He was still smiling when I was done.
A little while later, I gave him his Kong, and went to work on a blog post.
He kept diverting his attention from his Kong to stare at me.
“WHAT? It’s not like I WANTED to do that,” I told him.
He looked at me again, then he dropped the Kong on the floor.
I got up, picked it up, as I leaned over to place the Kong in front of him…he sniffed my hair.
Siriusly.
Oh my Jodi, this was hilarious!!! 🙂
Oh Lawdy, Jodi! I can just picture the expressions on your face throughout this whole “incident”, especially with that goofy grin on Sampson’s face as you applied the KY jelly! Never a dull moment for you, is there? 😂❤️
My mom always says no male dogs, now I might know why that is the case! The good news is, you can handle it and make it pretty darn funny!
Lol….only you my friend.
Mary is right, only you! Thanks for sharing this!
A brilliant post and one that will promote female dogs at the market place
Oh, my! The things we do for our dogs!
LOL You totally crack me up. And can’t help but think: better you than me! 😉
This is exactly why I have girl dogs! Even Soth’s tiny boy cat parts freak me out–and now I’m going to live in fear that this might happen to him. Sampson is so lucky to have you as his mama!
OMG, this is hilarious, Jody. Laughing WITH you, not at you!
I can’t even. This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time.
And of course I mean funny best, not creepy best. And I’m laughing with you, not at you. There were quite a few awkward moments with my male dogs growing up, and I’m sure my parents loved all the questions I had about lipstick.
hahahahahahahaha. That’s hysterical. Okay, note to self: continue to rescue girl dogs! 🙂
hahahahaha, male puppies are much harder to take care of. I had the experience and at that moment I decided that my adopted adopted doggies would be all female!
Bwahahahahahaha! Only at your house, Jodi! 😇
Oh my goodness….I literally cannot think of a thing to say. LOL!!
Lol 😊 It could only happen to you. I’ve only had female dogs before i got Merlin and i will say that in the “plumbing” area he has been a lot of trouble. First he wouldn’t go in public, he squatted. Now he still squats but he also lifts his leg on every tree etc he can find on walks.
LMAO!! Glad Pep is female. I totally plan for all future pups to be female. My main reason before this post was that females have better pee pad aim, now I am adding no KY massages to the pro-girl list.