It’s no secret I live in the Dumb Ass Dog Owner (DADO) Capital of the United States. I think I showed you the satellite image once, but for those of you who need proof, well here it is.
DADO Capital of Connecticut
There are many times (SO many times), when I want to just let loose on some of these folks. I siriusly thought of anonymous letters. Tell me what you think.
To my neighbor behind me who never lets his Rottweiler off his deck. Do you ever get tired of listening to your dog bark?
I do. Try taking him off the deck and walking him once in a while.
Sincerely,
All I want for Christmas is ear buds.
Dear Neighbor,
I noticed on my 6:00 am walk, that you have a new puppy. I also noticed, this is your second new puppy in the last couple of months. Did the Beagle puppy not get the housebreaking training you were providing? Let me clue you in.
In my experience, the best way to train a dog to potty outside is to bring it out, STAY with it, and reward it when it does its business. Just putting it outside for half hour doesn’t work, and I’ll tell you why.
- Without some encouragement from you, the dog doesn’t get what you want it to do.
- There are predators in this area. Those “Lost Pet” signs you see, that pet isn’t lost. That pet is something’s dinner.
- Your puppy’s barking, annoys the shit out of your neighbors.
Maybe try picking up a good book on how to have a well trained puppy. If you need suggestions, I’d be happy to provide some.
Sincerely,
If I see you on the street, I’ll have trouble not kicking you in your special place.
When you spend as much time walking as I do, you sometimes learn the dog’s names.
Dear Bailey’s Mom,
Do you know who is responsible if your e-fence charging, barking dog gives me a heart attack as I walk past and I die in the street?
**Hint** I hope it’s you.
By the way, Hanes thanks you for my business.
Dear neighbor who feeds the birds bread,
Perhaps you’ve been living under a rock, but science has proven that bread is bad for birds. Also, how big do you think the birds are? I think a loaf of Italian bread is a bit excessive, even for the large crows in our neighborhood. If you insist on feeding the birds, please consider bird seed. I’m sure the birds and my shoulder that gets dislocated when my dog dives into the snowbank for the loaf of bread will appreciate it.
Signed, my aching shoulder.
Dear Boomer’s mom,
I understand why you got a mini schnauzer. You told me it was because you wanted a guard dog. What I can’t understand is that when Boomer is losing his mind because something or someone is nearby how you ignore him. Also, following me down the street with your dog at the end of his retractable leash, pulling like he’s a sled dog, with you doing nothing to rein him in…is a dick move.
Dear Dan,
Oh Dan, dear Dan. I’m sorry, but a paragraph will not do you justice, you sir, you need a post all your own.
Well, now that I have THAT off my chest…Have you ever wanted to write an anonymous letter to a neighbor? If you write it on the internet, and then write it and send it anonymously, what are the odds they’d actually find it?
If I keep my eyes closed, I can pretend this never happened.
I really think you should write those & send them!!!
You do have some real bad luck in your neighborhood. We rarely run into such morons, except for this time of year when they actually walk their dogs for about 2 weeks and then we don’t see them again until next spring.
We had some hawks flying around overhead the other day, so I was watching them and Ducky pretty closely. And our DADO neighbors have been talking to us again the last year or so. But you sure seem to have more than your fair share of DADOs. As for the letters? I doubt that what you say would even sink in and be recognized. I’ll be watching for the Dan post!!
Ugh, you know how I feel about DADO’s, and since we just arrived in the Utah version of the Capitol, I am not happy. I am however going to be prepared this time. I am arming myself with pepper spray. I’m done being afraid to walk my dogs.
I do often think dog owners should have to do some sort of test and if they fail it they are not allowed a dog… or any sort of living creature. They should be given a rock!
I kind of think they will know who wrote them but you should write and send them anyway. Your neighbors just might learn something and the dogs will benefit.
You and mom need to get together. She wants to smack people upside their head
Lily & Edward
Yay! A new post with your lovely humor! I have written a couple anonymous notes to bikers and neighborhood parents on my blog, but for the most part our neighborhood is pretty good at being responsible dog owners. I’m sorry that your neighbors still haven’t figured things out!
So far, most of our neighbors in our new neighborhood seem pretty good; except for the ones that let their dogs run loose so they can wind mine up to the max by coming up to our fence. At least the snow in the woods is keeping them away right now. We’ll see what happens when spring gets here.
The one time I brought their dogs back home to them (before I realized that was a waste of time), the dogs wanted to stay in my car. Huh, I wonder if there might be a reason for that?
Most of our neighbors are pretty good with their dogs. There is one house that has very barky and seeming unfriendly dogs. One day one got out and probably would have attacked my Maltese if my husband hadn’t been with us. I was utterly useless for the first 5 seconds of the encounter.
Bwahaha! I can’t stop laughing. Sooooo very glad to see you back posting. Clearly your absence has not been diminished in tone. One. bit. Yay for us. Sorry for you for having all those DADO’s in your hood. Sadly I think many of their bastard relatives live in mine. Guess it’s true…misery loves company. Welcome back! [yeah, I know, I’m waaay behind in reading but hope you don’t hold that against me-so happy to see a post from you]. Have a super weekend.
Awww. That last picture is SOMETHING ELSE. I’ve learned many owners are “special.” It breaks my heart when I see owners treat their puppies based on what’s convenient for them … not what’s best for the dog. The guy above us locks his pit bull in his bedroom when he’s home and the dog whines for hours. Over the summer, he put him on the deck (about the same level of the ground outside the hole my condo is in), unrestrained. Some breeds have distinct needs but people are just selfish and choose dogs based on what they want to communicate to the world (the guy above me uses his dog as a status symbol … the pit bull) – not based on the needs of the dog. Another pet peeve? People in small apartments that have huge breeds and leave their dogs alone all day. I could go on and on … you definitely aren’t alone in your frustration! We love your hilarious take on the subject!