A couple years back I did a few posts about thoughts on a walk. To be clear, these were my thoughts as well as Sampson’s and Delilah’s. (Thoughts from a Walk, More Thoughts from a Walk, Thoughts from a Winter Walk, Still More Thoughts From a Walk, for anyone who’s interested in reading them.)
The majority of our walks, it’s just me and the dogs, and lately I’ve found myself saying things out loud. Like I’m not even thinking about it and my mouth opens up and BAM there it is! If anyone heard me, they might think I was talking to a person. But I’m not. It’s just me. And my dogs.
I have to warn you, I cuss. A Lot. And I’m not P.C. I’m not that nice lady you think, “Oh how sweet, look at her walking her dogs.”
No. I’m the lady that says, “Why are you such an asshole? Stop that right now. You’re a jackass.”
Anywhoo, one day last week I was struck with the inspiration to share the things I’ve said. But since my inspiration came near the end of our walk, I had to think back.
Are you ready?
- What the fuck? – This was because we step into the park and about fifteen feet from the dog poop station…you guessed it, there’s a pile of shit. WTF people? How hard is it to pick that shit up?
- Thank God for trees – As I grabbed a small tree to keep myself from falling, after the dogs dragged me down a small leaf strewn hill.
- I guess I better pick that up – Yeah, I siriusly contemplated not picking up the poop that Delilah left slightly off trail. But in the end, I did it.
- Come on guys. It’s my walk too. – I’ve got two yankers on my hands. Mostly they’re pretty good, but sometimes they both pull at the same time and it’s tough on my arms.
- Really? That really happened? Why does this really happen? – As Delilah went one way and Sampson the other…around a tree.
- Good aim buddy – As Sampson manages to kick a bunch of damp, heavy leaves over the poop I’m trying to pick up.
- Stop! Just Stop! – Delilah had the leash wrapped around her and I was trying to straighten it out…and she just kept walking.
- You can only go as far as my arm goes – As both dogs strain to sniff at something off the beaten path.
- Good job Buddy – A large tree has fallen over the path in the entrance and while Delilah jumps it easily, I thought Sampson might just walk over it, but he didn’t. He jumped!
- Just walk Delilah! – Yeah, Delilah heard me say “Good Job” and she thought she was due a treat. So she kept slowing down and staring up in the hopes that I would cave.
- Judas Priest! Come on! – Sometimes they are the pokiest dogs on the planet and we have to stop every five steps to sniff and it feels like I just can’t make any forward profess.
- Really? – As Delilah wraps herself around me yet again.
Do you talk aloud when you’re walking your dog? What kind of things come out of YOUR mouth?
LOL! I do the same thing when I’m walking my dogs. I am pretty sure my neighbors think I’m the crazy dog lady, especially now with Zoe in her full winter gear (boots included). We get a lot of strange looks.
Mom does a lot of “happy talk” to me when we walk – because of all my fears. She always says, “Look how nice.” and “Nothing to be afraid of.” and “It’s OK.” mostly when things are NOT nice and VERY scary and FAR FROM being OK. …at least in my opinion. She also says the word, “That’s just perfect.” and “That’s brilliant.” out loud to herself. Mostly she says this when things are NOT perfect and SLIGHTLY LESS than brilliant ….at least in her opinion.
Love and licks,
Cupcake
I know this does surprise a lot of folks out there, but Mom can lose her temper with us and when that happens on a walk, a lot of loud bad words come out of her mouth too. It happens in the yard now and then when we don’t listen or if the stupid cats runs out the door into the yard. I bet if you asked the neighbors they would tell you they have heard it on occasion!
Yes, I think I do. I’ve told Torrey she is never going to get there before me, no matter how hard she tries, and I’ve told Roxy, Lets just walk!! Ok!!
I talk to Shadow and Ducky just about ALL the time. I really need to shut up once in a while. LOL 😂
I do talk to the dogs, mostly “Hurry up!” (I constantly have to remind myself it is their walk), because they dawdle so badly. But I’ve also been known to talk to myself out loud as well, and it’s always a bit embarrassing to be caught! Even worse when the dogs aren’t with me 😉
That is what I love about you…you are totally uncensored 🙂
I tend to be as well!
I talk like that ALL of the time and I have a MAJOR toilet mouth…..I don’t have to be taking a walk to talk like that…dog or not………..that is how I converse 🙂
Oh my goodness I love this. I am always saying “did I say that out loud”!! So funny. And if anyone could hear me on our walks. Oh my!!
We generally walk before I am even awake, so I don’t talk other to say things like “car” my signal to them that I am reining in the leash and we are stopping, “there is nothing there” “it is just the horses” and on an exciting mooring “on by”.
” it’s called a walk as in walking” often I respond to a expression on her face. as in yep I saw that too. nope just keep on walking maybe we’ll stop there next time. or I’ll ask her which direction to start off on.
it’s easy to tell that she knows what I’m saying.
ok heres the back porch scene-stop ignoring me and get in here i know your ignoring me don’t make me come off this porch supid dog. or how about standing out there yelling at your dog to hurry up an go potty damn it because it’s a. cold out b. raining c. both d. past my bedtime e. moms in a grumpy mood.
best part is that despite my yelling at her she always comes in with a smile cause she knows shes loved. dogs are great. I’d be lost without my Lily.
They talk to me all the time on a walk – they get strange looks from other people sometimes!
Have a lovely time over the holidays and all the best for 2016.
I talk to my dogs all of the time.
Oh Jodi, I love your dialog and yes, I say some of the same things (and then some). Most of the time, my expletives are following by, “wait…was that my out loud voice…filter, Monika, filter!” You and your pups just make me smile. Keep ’em comin’! 🙂
I have had several of these thoughts myself. I’m glad other dog owners have R-rated vocabularies like myself.