Typically I don’t respond to comments left on my Follow-Up Friday post, but last week Genevieve left a comment that really resonated with me. It said, “I agree with Lauranne. You do need to be seen to be believed. Somehow, I picture it to look like Lucy at the chocolate factory. Not just because of the “chocolate” factor, but because of always being in over your head….”
“In over your head” has been rolling around in MY head ever since I read it. I can’t help but feel like that phrase really sums me up right now. Actually, I’m wondering if I should change my tag line from “The Good, the Bad and the Oh My God of living with Dogs” to “In Over My Head.” Let’s face it, our walks aren’t always fiascos, but when they are, they’re doozies, because yes, I’m in over my head.
Once upon a time I really loved walking my dogs.
Back when Hubby helped out and could manage Sampson while I took Delilah. Even after Hubby stopped walking with us and I was walking them by myself, I enjoyed it.
That was back when they could run off leash and I didn’t have to worry about Delilah taking off on me. Back when 99% of the people who walked in the woods let their dogs off leash. Back when my dogs weren’t reactive to other dogs on leash. Back then, I really did enjoy walking with them.
But things changed. Hubby stopped walking with us. Delilah started running off. More people with dogs started enjoying the woods, my dogs started reacting to other dogs.
But I still have two dogs that still need exercising. Besides the fact that I really do love walking (the exercising bit hasn’t helped me with my weight in the least bit), I made a commitment to my dogs, and so I continue to walk them despite some of the fiascos we end up in.
I used to love walking with my dogs, but truthfully, I don’t anymore. They are big dogs, that out weigh me (I won’t say by how much) ;-0, and when they see another dog and lose their freaking minds, I’m in over my head.
When I do write about our fiascos, I try to find the humor in it, because really, what else can you do? I could sit and cry over it, but that does absolutely nothing. And I’m not perfect (who is?) and I don’t always react the way I want to/should. So I get frustrated because I’m struggling to work with them both, I get angry because I have to do it by myself and I get discouraged because it seems no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make it work.
We had an incident two weeks ago (tomorrow) that I haven’t told you about because truthfully, I’m totally embarrassed with how it all went down. But I’m feeling like I must confess and cleanse myself of it, so here goes.
Sampson has a particular walk he really likes in the morning. It is the neighborhood one street over. On this particular street is a house where two Labs live. At least one of these Labs is reactive.
How do I know this you ask…because I’ve had the shit scared out of me when the dog jumps and scratches at the door while barking his fool head off as we pass the house.
Oh and there was that time they were out walking and jacked up on me all the while squeaking their dog’s toy to distract him.
So recently this couple started walking their dogs in the mornings, and I’ve done my best to avoid them. Except that Friday.
For some reason they got the drop on me. I was half a block from turning the corner onto my street when they turned the corner onto theirs. Which just happened to be the street we were on. Looking back, I could have turned around and backtracked far enough to avoid them.
In hindsight that’s what I SHOULD have done, but I didn’t.
I saw them tighten their leashes and keep walking and foolishly, I kept walking too. Everything was fine until they got directly across from me, when Sampson started jumping and Delilah started barking. Then both my dogs were barking and lunging at the end of their leashes. It sort of looked like this.
Gif courtesy of Giphy.com source Reddit
As they lunged they pulled me forward and I had a horrible thought flash through my mind of being dragged across the street into a full on dog fight.
And I panicked.
So I sat down.
In the grass..on the side of the road.
I looked like a chariot driver.
And then because apparently I’d lost my mind too, I started shouting at my dogs. “Sit, Sit, Sit.”
Well they didn’t.
But the other dogs passed us and we made it home.
I was so embarrassed and discouraged, so I contacted my trainer and said, I think we need some private lessons. But she can’t squeeze us in, so in the meantime, I bought Feisty Fido by Karen London and Patricia McConnell and we’ve been practicing look. I’ve also set my alarm for 10 minutes earlier so we can be out and back before most people and dogs get up. And yes, I’m looking for a trainer.
Maybe tomorrow will be the day I can chuckle over it, like Lucy in the Chocolate factory. Genevieve, I do believe you are right. I’m in over my head.
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Oh Jodi, I am so sorry about your incident with the neighbors. That must have been so embarrassing. I totally feel for you. I used to like walking my dogs, too and now I sort of hate it. Zoe used to love all dogs and now she’s only slightly tolerant, she won’t start the fight but she won’t back down, either. On Sunday she got attacked by a husky at our favorite off leash park. It was a total nightmare. I so feel your pain.
I would definitely recommend meeting up with your trainer when she’s available and I would also highly recommend gentle leader head collars. I know it may sound really mean and they do take some time for the dogs to get used to them but they are gentle and they won’t be able to pull you down or drag you anywhere while wearing them. I am so afraid that because they are bigger than you that they might really hurt you one of these times and if you get hurt you won’t be able to walk them at all. My girls are not very big, but I use a head collar on Phoenix a lot.
Oh Lauren, I’m so sad for Zoe. I hope she wasn’t hurt too badly by the Husky and I hope this doesn’t set her back.
I do worry sometimes about them hurting me as well. I know of a woman whose overweight lab was unruly and she knocked her down on ice. The woman got a really bad concussion and ended up having to re-home the dog because she was just too much for her.
Sampson who is very social is reacting to greet the dogs while I’m afraid, Delilah wants to eat them. Strangely enough she wasn’t always reactive and I wish I could figure out why she is now.
I appreciate your thoughts on the head halter. I’m not a big fan myself for a number of reasons, but I will keep it in mind if I can’t work it out with a trainer. I’m also going to try to get them out on their own at least once per weekend so we can try and work on this.
Hang in there, I know how hard it is.
Aarrgh. I didn’t look at in-over-your-head from the point of view of the early morning chariot driver. Yikes! I was looking at it from your readers’ point of view – flat out hilarious – most often the best laugh of the day – like Lucy. It sounds fun and funny when you tell it, but if the dogs are having fun and the neighbors are having fun and you’re not having fun, then it’s time for a new approach. Sorry, doggies, it’s trainer time. Oh man… This is gonna be fun!
Oh, Jodi, my dear, sweet friend. I feel so bad for you! Such an embarrassing, disheartening moment. But you know what? Sitting down in the grass may just have been the smartest thing to do in that situation. At least Sampson and Delilah couldn’t pull you down and cause you any physical harm, albeit unintentionally.
I’ve had embarrassing incidents with Callie and Shadow at the park, too. They made me cry a few times. And I beat myself up over them for days on end. I felt like a total ass. But I’d eventually let it go and move on.
I agree with Lauren about the Gentle Leader head collars. I used to use them with Callie and Shadow. Neither one liked them but they tolerated them. And I felt more confident walking the girls while they had them on. Especially before Callie tore her first ACL. And my increased confidence made them more confident in me. Callie didn’t act like she had to protect Shadow and me. She just relaxed and let me guide her and Shadow.
Thanks Sue, I appreciate it. My dogs make me cry many times, mostly from frustration. LOL
And I do agree, I think sitting down was probably the best thing I could do. 1) They could not pull me down and 2) it gave me a better base of strength to hold them back.
Like I mentioned to Lauren, I appreciate the thoughts, but I’m not a fan of the head halter for a number of reasons, but I will keep it in mind if all else fails.
Oh dear. We dogs do love making our moms look like fools don’t we? Sorry that happened and maybe a trainer is what you need. Walks should always be fun for everyone and if they are no longer fun, you need to get some help.
Silly dogs. I’m definitely looking for a trainer and I plan on working in some extra one-on-one training sessions too. In the meantime, I will get up at the butt crack of ass every morning to avoid as many dogs as I can. 🙂
I just wish I could send you the most massive of hugs. It happens honey.
I don’t know what to say other than you are not in over your head, but you are human and as such we make mistakes. There are things which I wish I had done differently with my two, I should have given them both more time, been less short tempered with them, hugged them more… but I am human and I did the best I can.
I think sitting down sounds immensely sensible in that situation, it stopped you being dragged into the road and in the end you all emerged unhurt (I was so worried this was going to go somewhere else when I started reading!)
Don’t loose heart. You are not in over your head. You are human, and we love you for it!
Thanks sweetie, I really appreciate your kindness. I’m sorry you were worried. I should have started it with, “we are all okay.” ‘-)
I think that guilt thing comes into play with our dogs, but you are right, we are human and we need to learn to forgive ourselves when we mess up. After all, our dogs already have.
Thanks for the hug!
I don’t think you’re in over your head. Sh*t happens and most people are not nearly as honest as you are, Jodi, and don’t share. I actually think that sitting down in that situation, while embarrassing, was brilliant! It kept you and your dogs safe. We’re lucky and unlucky re: dog walks. Lucky because we’re so rural we very rarely see anyone (or any dog) on our walks. Unlucky for the same reason! We have to go pretty far from home for my dogs to realize there are other dogs out there in the world (and the nearest training classes/trainers are well over an hour away.) Even bad situations can be good!
Thank you Sue. I think one of the reasons I’m SO honest about it is because others aren’t. Some people want you to think their dogs are perfect, when they really aren’t. I think this does a horrible disservice to people whose dogs AREN’T perfect but are trying. It can be very discouraging to watch someone who always presents their dogs as amazing while you’re fumbling to get through a walk. Knowing other people struggle actually gives me strength, knowing that I’m not alone.
I can see how being so rural would be a blessing and a curse, it is the same here. Avoiding dogs is great, but when they do see one, they act like assholes.
Ugh, that does sound discouraging. If Torrey pulls I can at least manage her, and well Roxy, is Roxy.
I could manage them if I’d put all my strength into it and pulled, but I was trying to avoid that. We’ll keep working on it, eventually we’ll get there!
At least once a week Hailey is embarrassing on our walk. It was fine because we are usually up and back before the sane are out. However, they started building a house at the end of our road. The builder brings his dog, who is beautiful and calm and just sits there. Hailey loses her mind. I have to drag her by him. I feel your pain. I hope your trainer helps and the love of walking returns.
UGH…I feel your pain too. It’s horrifying and embarrassing and I don’t want to be dragging my dogs, but sometimes I feel like I have NO choice. Have you tried “look” with Hailey? Does Phod do it too, or do you not walk them together?
Oh, I hear you. Rita can pull like crazy and lunge when she sees certain dogs. And she’s only 45lbs, so I can’t imagine trying to hold back two. Just thank heaven you weren’t on skates! Good luck with the book and hopefully the trainer can fit you in soon! (We worked with a trainer and she has gotten a lot better – but ther are still certain dogs that set her off. I definitely try to avoid them, but sometimes it’s just not possible.)
OMG I would never do it on skates!! Can you imagine?
1) We live smack dab in the middle of a hill, most of the their going downhill, I’d break my neck for sure. 2) I’m not coordinated enough for skates, I barely manage in shoes. LOL
Sorry Rita is such a puller, it’s definitely challenging.
Oh no. I’m sorry to hear you’re not enjoying your walks anymore; but it’s understandable!
I wish we could go back to the old days.
Have you tried the Gentle Leader? I haven’t because my dogs are little and the strength is on my end of the leash, but I hear good things.
Dogs need constant reinforcement so working with a trainer is a good idea. Even police dogs get monthly training sessions to remind them of what they have been taught.
I highly recommend a halti, they have a safety latch that the gentle leader doesn’t have. My Ridgeback was able to get her head out of the harness (it’s been adjusted) and the only way I had her was by the safety latch to her collar.
But I don’t walk her without a head harness, she hates the body harnesses but I use those sometime too.
I really am not fond of the head halters, but I will definitely keep it in mind and will use it if I have to.
Hi Y’all!
Ah, we sympathize.
We met a dog that lunged at us. Unfortunately, even though he was a tiny Jack Russell and I was on the far side from my Human, he was on a retractable lead and charged in front of us. My Human was knocked down, unconscious.
I was loose in the Interstate rest area. My Human ended up in the hospital with a concussion.
The moral of the story…get your hubby, or someone, walkin’ with you again or just keep sittin’ down!
Y’all come on by,
Hawk aka BrownDog
THAT’s horrible Hawk!! I hope those people stopped to help and paid for your human’s hospital bill. That is just not right and one of the reasons I hate the retractable leashes!
I hope you have purged and left the discouragement behind! If not, I hope the trainer helps! 🙂
I have, but I can tell you, I sure am dragging my feet getting out of bed in the dark. LOL
You know, Jodi, I think you did well to sit given the flight/fight (or fright) instinct. Stop beating yourself up (there are clueless neighbors more suited to that). You did what you thought would work at the moment with the resources you had and it sounds like everyone stayed safe-a good outcome. Have you tied a yellow ribbon to your leashes (check out http://www.theyellowdogproject.com/The_Yellow_Dog_Project/About.html for info). It might help and if not, I’m sure the Patricia McConnell book and extra training sessions will make a difference. You have terrific dogs, are a responsible dog mom and lo-and-behold…human. In my book that’s A-OK. Good luck and keep your chin up. Having your head down always leads to accidents/injury-just ask any hockey player. 😉
Thank you Monika. I have not tied the yellow ribbon because quite truthfully most of the dumb asses in my neighborhood don’t know about it, or would ignore it anyway. 🙂
Don’t worry, I’m usually tripping over shit because I’m rarely looking down. LOL I’m too busy trying to avoid the things that will make my dogs lose their minds.
I’m sorry. 🙁 Definitely seek help from your trainer, and I second what Lauren with Zoephee said – the gentle lead/head collars work really well if you need to walk two powerful dogs at the same time and remain in control. I’ve had to use them with Dante and Ziva on many occasions, we don’t use them as much anymore but depending on where we go, if it’s a high distraction environment we do wear them.
Keep your head up! I know you can do it! Set a goal, we’d love to hear your upcoming success stories. 🙂
Thank you. I really want YOU to come walk with me. LOL I will definitely keep the head halter in mind even though I’m not a big fan. I really need to start using the harnesses I have in the way they are intended to be used. I suspect that may make a huge difference.
And I will definitely keep you posted.
Oh, Jodi, I relate to this on so many levels. I have felt in over my head ever since we made the decision to have 4 dogs at once, and then walking wasn’t even an option. In fact, I remember the moment I realized I was in over my head…when 4 dogs went piling out of my car and all just ran. I had to climb a farm fence to get the last one back. I felt like such an idiot.
I miss the days when we had two dogs, and my hubby used to walk with me! The last time we took the 3 dogs out, he got so impatient with everything, I don’t ask him to walk them with me anymore (he will occasionally take one for a walk, if I ask him to). So I walk them one at a time; because trying to do more than one makes me feel in over my head too. With two of them being reactive, I feel like one is all I can focus on at once, and even that can seem like too much sometimes.
Maybe you expect too much of yourself? Maybe you should walk one dog in the morning and one in the evening? Then you can work on their training while you’re doing that, and maybe you can get them back to the point where you can all walk together.
Thanks Jan and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this too. You couldn’t know when you adopted Luke that it might be a problem. At least you take them all outside and play fetch with them and they have a nice yard, so it’s not like they aren’t being exercised, but if you’re like me, you like walking and what better way to spend time with your dog? And I am going to try and work in some individual walks, hopefully at least one per week. If it were only one of them acting like an ass I could manage the other, but when they both lose it…well you know.
I’m not saying this to bash your husband so please don’t take it that way.
What the hell is wrong with men anyway? I’m so pissed at my husband. WE made a commitment to get a second dog, WE made a commitment to help them lose weight and stay healthy and it pisses me off to no end that he refuses to help me. When I push it and I mean I have to push it, he will grudgingly take a walk, but it’s a quick zip around the block. And when I’m away, (like at BlogPaws) I’m lucky if he gives them one walk a day.
I have both dogs on harnesses and he puts collars on them to walk them. He won’t even put Sampson on a leash because “He listens to me.” Well you’re going to be listening to me buddy if something happens to MY dog while you walk him with no leash.
Sorry for the tirade, but I am very frustrated with my situation.
Trust me, I understand! I try not to complain about my hubby since he does all the feeding, which is a project around here with all the supplements. But I do all the training, most of the yard cleaning, all the walking, and most of the playing. Men don’t worry about one thing, do they? They think it’s always going to be fine and nothing is ever going to go wrong. Who needs a leash, heck, why even a collar then? They’ll all just happily come home after running away, right?
I had to drill it into my hubby’s head that Luke is NEVER to be off leash, after several times of watching him run around the driveway refusing to get in the truck, and me holding my breath praying he wouldn’t run away. I finally got through to him that Luke is a fearful dog and it would take nothing to scare him, and a miracle to get him back if he did run.
But I’m not sure my rules don’t all go out the window when I’m not here either, so I do totally understand your tirade and I’m glad you were able to vent. I just wish I had an answer for you of how to get through to stubborn men that always think they know better.
Sorry, but I have to horn in. I hate to be sexist, but what IS it about men?! Gary has never, ever been a dog walker and the few times he ever did, he had to be shamed into it. Now, with his health problems he thinks he has a great excuse not to walk the dogs. NOT. Even with the doctors agreeing it would be good for him… it is a rare thing. Totally ticks me off and always has, especially since we got Rudy – who was supposed to be “his” dog. Gary will give injections for me and in the past sometimes took a dog to the vet. But the dogs seem to be mine and mine alone in terms of responsibility.
Don’t be sorry, we are all friends here. 🙂
If I had the answer to your question Sue, the world would be totally different. I don’t understand the lack of commitment and in Gary’s case it would probably help him immensely!!
My husband does SO little to help with the dogs, I have to write stuff down, he does it so infrequently. I could vent about this a good long while, but I don’t want to keep that negative shit running through my head. 🙂
Wow that’s a crazy scary thing to have happen, though I had to chuckle at your image of being a chariot driver (for which I apologize!). It’s no fun walking reactive dogs; Daisy is loud and crazy, which is embarrassing, but I can manage 15 pounds of dog!
Please don’t apologize! I want people to see the humor in my stories. Some day I hope to see the humor in this one myself. 🙂
Oh dear that would have been so frustrating – there really isn’t much you can do when you’ve got two big dogs pulling full force – I probably would have sat down as well. Sorry for chuckling at the experience – it reminds me so much of watching my friend as a child be pulled down the road by our Lab that took off after a kitty – why do we laugh at such things? Oh yeah that’s right – so we don’t cry. What can you do? Shit happens.
Chuckle away, I wouldn’t tell the stories the way I do if I didn’t want you to find humor in them, and yes you are right, we laugh so we don’t cry, because let’s face it, some dogs are challenging.
I hope your friend wasn’t hurt! I can’t imagine having that happen, and I hope if it was me I’d let go of the leash, but there’s no promises there!
So, I have incidents like this all the time. Cocoa loves other dogs and plays wonderfully with them. Until she doesn’t 🙂 I mean, she is great at the dog park. On the leash though sometimes not so much. I was walking the other day and another dog started running out at us and the owner was yelling to me that she was friendly and it’s ok. Well, it might be ok for you but Cocoa might not be as friendly to a dog racing up to her and I when we are walking!! We were attacked by Great Danes last year and after that Cocoa has been more protective of me. I am sad you are not enjoying your walks. It can be frustrating for sure.
Delilah is the same way! Sometimes she’s fine with a dog and other times not! And mostly the times she is not is when a leash is involved. SO whenever possible I drop the leash when confronting an off-leash dog, but that isn’t always an option.
And people with their “My dog is friendly” dogs are going to be in for a shock one day when something happens to their ‘friendly’ dog that approached an unfriendly one.
I feel you pain.
So sorry, hon. Cookie can get stupid too sometimes. Crap happens. One cannot control everything. All is well,what ends well.
Thanks, I’m just really glad no one got hurt!
That’s too bad about your walks. 🙁 Our first dog used to react to every dog she saw. It was embarrassing, and we tried to stay away from other dogs. Now we have opposite dog – our Lila doesn’t really care about other dogs. It’s refreshing, really. When I see other dogs barking wildly at us, it reminds me of our first dog. You know what? I still miss our first dog but love the one we’re with now too.
I get that. Sometimes when I’m walking my dogs I think, “I hope my next dog isn’t reactive.” That’s not bad to think that way is it? I mean I don’t want anything to happen to my dogs, I love them dearly but sometimes I’d just like a gentle, drama free walk.
WOW! Oh boy do I feel you!!
It’s funny because when I had just one husky…. she was fantastic on the leash! loved greeting other dogs etc…. as time went on, 2 more huskies added etc… I cannot walk past a dog without her going insane. Why? I have no fricken clue! But I am sure I messed it up somewhere along the way.
ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!
I can’t help but wonder if the additional dog (in your case dogs) makes the difference. I know with my two Delilah pulls like crazy when they are both on leash. When I take Sampson off, even if he is walking ahead of her, she doesn’t pull. GAH I wish I could get inside their heads! LOL
I really hate reading stories like this my friend because frankly I read them all too often on various blogs. The stories are always the same (so I am not singling you out). The accounts go something like this. I am a “positive dog trainer” but I have a dog with behavioral or obedience issues. I shove treats in my dog’s mouth to get them to x,y,z. It works for a while but then the dog always seems to back slide. The back slide is usually worse each and every time. Why is that? Because the trainer has never really fixed a problem and the dog knows that it can get away with the behavior with no repercussions except many more treats when it acts up.
As discouraged as you are about the unwanted behaviors, I get so discouraged reading about people struggling with their dogs. Eventually they hate walking their dogs. In extreme cases the dogs end up in rescue labeled “too much to handle”. Yet people never change their training methods. They just keep doing the same training with the exact same result.
My advice (not that you are asking) would be to walk one dog at a time and insist on the obedience. They know obedience. Make them do it. If one dog is all you can walk a day then that is it for now. While walking, the dogs will not drag you. The dogs will walk at heel and if they don’t, learn how to use the much maligned leash correction and then use it. Every time until they walk correctly and understand that other behavior is unacceptable. Verbal praise rather than treats when they act correctly. More praise than you think is necessary. Sure you might look like an idiot doing big time praise on a walk, but better than sitting down on the side of the road.
I realize that my advice is not the same most bloggers would give, but I am coming from the perspective of having dogs that were at one time difficult to walk and now walk correctly.
Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts and advice and I understand your frustration and discouragement when reading these types of stories.
I do call myself a positive trainer but I should be clear, I definitely use the word “No” and “Ack” and discourage my dogs from certain behaviors. And I’m not opposed to using my leash if I feel it’s my only option, I just prefer to not to. I also do not always give them treats when they do as I ask, but there are occasions where pulling that treat out gets me the behavior I want.
Truthfully Delilah’s done very well with modifying her behavior and looking to me for her cues, but if Sampson is jumping around acting the fool, she’s more than likely to chime in. I will take your advice and work on them with their obedience, which is something else I’ve been slacking off with.
Thank you for your comment and advice, I truly appreciate it.
I am going to email you something that might give some tips. 🙂
oh so sorry your walks aren’t fun anymore. I’m glad to that nothing happened and that you are looking for help to help make your walks fun again.