Most days I’m quite grateful for the communication system I have with my dogs. They know a decent number of words. Enough words so on a typical day, I get my point across. For the most part, I get what I want and they’ve found a way to communicate what they want.
I’m very glad that Delilah cannot speak. I imagine her to have a fast-paced, snappy, sassy way of talking.
Not to mention nagging.
“It’s 9 o’clock, you know that right? 9 o’clock is snack time, you know that right? Snack time, that’s when you get up off the couch and get us our Kongs. You remember our Kongs, don’t you? I’m sure you do, I sat in the kitchen and watched you stuff them. You stuffed them and put them in the freezer for 9 o’clock snack. It’s 9 o’clock, you know that right? 9 o’clock is snack time.”
I imagine I’d get tired of that pretty damn quick.
Mostly I’m quite satisfied with our communicating technique. But there are times, when I really wish my dogs could understand exactly what I’m saying. If my dogs could understand what I was saying for just one day, I imagine I’d have some things to tell them.
Things like:
Delilah don’t eat dog shit. Number one, it’s disgusting and it makes your breath stink and number two, well it’s just disgusting.
Sampson, the boots are not to make your life miserable, they are to protect your feet from the cold and snow, so please do me a solid and stop trying to kick the freaking things off.
It goes for you too Delilah, the boots will not bite you when you squat to potty, so you can stop walking like there’s a stick up your ass.
I might have to wear these ‘boots’ but I don’t have to pose for the camera.
Sampson, I would pet and hold you all night long, if you’d only lie next to me, instead of at the bottom of the bed.
Delilah, I would love to let you run off leash all through the park, if only you’d stop eating dog shit, and going into people’s yards to see what kind of food you can scrounge.
Sampson, not every car we pass has a person in it and not every person we see is a person who likes dogs. Please stop yanking my arm out of its socket, they don’t make shirts that fit one long and one short arm.
Delilah, there is something not right with your liver, I’m doing everything possible to keep you alive, please stop eating shit that you shouldn’t. I assure you, you really are getting enough food.
Do you ever wish you could REALLY communicate with your dogs? If your dogs could understand you for just one day, what would you tell them?
This is so spot on with my dog, I actually laughed out loud!
That was a great read! I could just imagine the conversations between the three of you, but I’m glad for your sake that Delilah can’t speak….oh dear!
If my dog could understand me for just one day, I would ask her why she doesn’t bark when she wants to go outside to potty. She stands at the door and stares at it, almost willing it to open – and it exasperates me!
I would say: “Mo, You don’t need to bark at anything and EVERYTHING that goes past our house, and everything you THINK you hear (including, but not limited to your own farts!) I don’t need you to protect me, Trust me, I got it covered!!!!!” Stop with the barking!! AND you don’t need BOTH Taylor and I to get into bed together with you so you can chew on your ropey. It can be done alone! ARF!
I understand every single word Mom says. Mostly she always tells me, “Blah blah blah, Cupcake.” And “Wah, wah, wah, naughty.” And “Mumble, mumble, mumble, PUT IT DOWN!” She’s fascinating.
Love and licks,
Cupcake
Turns out Mity doesn’t need english to communicate with us. He does this grumbling thing where he kinda chunters and sounds like he’s swearing at us. He has his evening walk and then goes to bed for his biscuits, if we don’t follow him upstairs he will sit at the top of the stairs and ‘chunter’ until he comes down and gives us the stinky eye. Same thing goes for when my folks went out the other day, I was dog sitting, and he just sat and chuntered at me all night. I could hear him saying “and where are they, do they not realise what time it is?”
LOL that made us smile. Have a marvellous Monday.
Best wishes Molly
Quit eating shit. Yeah, that pretty much sums up my life. I did not know Delilah had a liver issue too. So sorry. We can relate to that as well. 🙁
When they are sick and not feeling well those are the times I wish they could talk. The begging for food I could do without…lol.
WHO would want to Communicate with PEEPS… they are SO boring.. and BOSSY and they totally LACK any understanding of the IMPAWTANT thingys in life. We do our best to just ignore our peeps and their incessant YAPPING.
“Torrey, you do not have to spin circles when you are excited to go somewhere. Especially in the dirt. All you do is create a dust storm.”
Sometimes when I say something to Nike, immediately I’ll add, “I can’t believe I actually have to say that.” It’s just too bad she doesn’t get it!
Great post, and so spot-on! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
“Please stop yanking my arm out of its socket, they don’t make shirts that fit one long and one short arm.” – I died laughing. Oh man, can you pass this onto Koly too?
Also? Kolchak, you are currently a full lb. overweight, which on your body is a little more than I can pass off as “big boned”. As your fat ass is currently out of control, perhaps you can quit acting like I starve you to everyone who comes over? Those eyes are a form of extortion.
I love this so much. Both of mine don’t seem to understand that not every person wants to pet them either!
Oh wow…what a conversation that would be. For Jack it would be…”look, if I’m leaving the house, I’ll tell you – otherwise you can assume I’m still here and you don’t have to follow my every move”. For Maggie it would be “You’ve lived with us for almost three years and not once did dad ever do anything but love you and pet you and feed you and take you for runs…so stop looking at him like he’s a mass murder”. If only…
I would explain to Ruby that she would get to meet more dogs if she would not act like such a maniac when she she sees one. I would tell Boca that while we appreciate her Gordon Ramsey imitation in the kitchen, there is no need to bark at my dad while he is cooking.
It’s funny, I’ve always wished my dogs could talk. But your post made me wonder–would they really say anything I’d want to hear?
Thank you for brighting up my day, this is a great post. If Lottie could understand me I would tell her to “please come back the first time I shout her, not the 100th’. It would make our lives so much more easier and would mean she could actually have more off lead exercise. Of course its something I am trying to improve with constant training and we WILL get there! On a more serious note I would also tell her how much I love her and how much she has changed my life for the better.
Love Delilah’s “voice”. We always as kinda slow and blasé.
I’d like to talk to Rita for a day to make sure she loves her choice of home (cuz I’m needy and insecure that way…). And I’d love to talk her into eating more fruits and veggies. And, most of all, Id like to explain that the handful of dogs in the ‘hood that she HATES are not trying to kill us and we have nothing to fear from them!
I’d like to ask Blueberry two things: a) What does she actually smell when she sniffs another dog’s poo? AND b) What does her bottom taste like? Inquiring minds want to know.
I absolutely do! I think Phoenix would have a similar monologue as Delilah!! We are in the same boat with the boots and I wish I could explain to Zoe why she has to wear them. I would also tell Zoe that the noises can’t hurt her. (She’s severely noise phobic)
Mom wishes it all the time. She would like to explain a couple rules to us so we would know why she wants us to come when called or Bailie not eat everything she finds on the road, but it doesn’t look like it will happen, so we will continue on as is through life.
BOL! This is so funny and so true! Honestly, if I had one day to communicate with my Wynston, I’d tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me. There are many days where I truly wish I could verbalize to him that he truly is my world.
We don’t often actually LOL when we read post but we had to LOL at D’s choice of outdoor cuisine.
OMD I am sure she would tell me every one of those! But what I’d like to understand is “Dolly I love you more than anything thank you for putting up with me.” Love Dolly
I think it’s best that Leroy and I really can’t communicate like humans. 😉
I love your conversation with your dogs! I’d explain to Shyla that the world is not as scary as she thinks – I’d go through each thing that she’s terrified of, one by one, to explain why each thing is not scary.
I would also explain to her that mountain lions are truly something to be scared of. She should not try to steal some meat from that deer/elk that the mountain lion killed. Never. Ever. It’s my greatest fear for my dogs.
Crack me up, I love the shit every other paragraph! I would have a conversation with Gambler why he has to wreck all my stuff and make me clean it up all the time when I could be blogging.
If CindyLu could understand me, I’m sure I’d have plenty to explain to her. Like how the buffet of foods she’s offered are of the highest quality (and ahem cost to my pocketbook) and surely she must have a taste for one of them tonight. Plus adding some reassurances that the world won’t end when she has to stay home alone for a couple of hours – as much as I’d like to I just can’t take her with me everywhere.
If CindyLu could talk, she’d probably say something about how I should stop talking to her so much, it’s embarrassing her…
I’m laughing so hard my side hurts!! I wish I could make Callie & Shadow understand that the asshole next door really is not worth barking at, even though he deserves to have a chunk bitten out of his crotch. And I wish Ducky could tell me why she has to taste and/or eat every bit of dirt, leaf, acorn, etcetera in the back yard every time we go outside. It’s like an obsession with her at times! And it’s part of the reason why I still have to give her a Metronaidozole twice a day and an Omeprazole every morning.
So funny! I would love to know what Haley is thinking….most of the time! I would be even more excited to know what she’s dreaming about sometimes. When her legs start running in her sleep, is she dreaming about being chased by a giant chipmunk? Lol!
BOL, those conversations made really laugh out loud! Even Sam wanted to know what was so funny and came over to investigate. The only thing I wish he’d learn to comprehend is: “there’s no need to ‘help’ me put on my underwear, shoes & socks, with you wiggling in between my legs. I can do quite nicely on my own and can actually speed up the process for us going on a walk. Seriously, you don’t have a thumb and CAN’T help!!” But instead I’ll always have that mutt ‘in da way’ which should have been his name instead of Sam! 🙂