Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

Who’s Been Pooping in my Bed?

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Delilah and the Baby Gate:

Sampson and I have been sleeping in the Recovery Room that Hubby and I made for him.  Anytime we aren’t home, Sampson is locked in this room via a walk through baby gate.  Last week we were told we could give him a bit more freedom, so I tried using a plastic baby gate in the hallway.  I shut the bathroom door so he couldn’t go in and slip and I wedged the gate between the walls.  This would give him access to his room and the den.  Typically the den is Delilah’s.  She has a little bed in there and she lays there watching for us to come home.  But I figured, hey she has access to the entire house including the bedroom, so she can suck it up for a few weeks.

The first morning I heard my mom getting ready to leave so I called Sampson in to the den so we could go out on the small deck and say good morning.  I slid open the door and there was this humongous crash and Delilah came tearing into the den.

Scratch the plastic baby gate in the hall.

Who’s been pooping in my bed?

You all know by now that I’m a worrier.  It’s what I do best.  If I could get paid to worry, I’d be richer than Bill Gates.

Monday I came home from work and went to let Sampson out and I noticed something in the bed.  It looked like a small rock so I went in and picked it up.  Upon closer examination I realized I was holding dog poop.  I was puzzled. How on earth did dog poop get in the bed?

And then the following thoughts raced through my mind:

  • Could Sampson have pooped in the house and then cleaned it up himself, even though he’s never pooped in the house before? (You missed one dude.)
  • Why would Sampson poop in the house?  Oh god, what if he really does have Degenerative Myleopathy and he’s losing feeling in his back end and doesn’t even know he’s pooped?
  • What about Delilah?  You know she’s a shit eater.  She was snuggling in here this morning.  What if she brought something in from outside to enjoy in bed, like most people enjoy crackers?
  • Sampson did poop this morning.  Maybe he didn’t get it all out, what if he had a little one left in the chamber and when he went to sleep it shot out?

Then I decided it wasn’t worth worrying about, I left the room to dispose of the poop and I met Delilah in the hall.  What the hell, I thought.  She eats shit anyway.  I held out my hand.  She gave me the nastiest stink-eye and turned her head.

My DOG woman, you never cease to amaze me. Poop eating is discretionary. At MY discretion.

My DOG woman, you never cease to amaze me. Poop eating is discretionary. At MY discretion not yours!

What? (For those of  you not in the know, the poop of raw fed dogs is very different from non-raw fed dogs.  It is very hard and compact.  This poop looked like a small rock or a very large piece of kibble.  I think the fact it looked like kibble is that gave me the above idea.) 😉

Where does the Mama sleep?

Please take note of this photo.  Can you see where the pillow is?  That’s typically where I should be resting my head.  Do you also see where Sampson is?

HLAD 4-17-14

Yes, I take my job of keeping the Mama warm very siriusly.

Yes, most nights I wiggle my way between the dog and the wall.  The things I do for my dogs.

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Comments

  2. LOL do we know the trials and tribulations of space management of the big bed. Oh the mystery of the pop. Have a tremendous Thursday.
    Best wishes Molly

  3. Wow there are so many things wrong with this post – I’m not all squimish and stuff but yuck bare hands and even bigger yuck you offered it to your dog to eat!! You may have just earned the crazy dog lady title 2014!!

    I also worry far too much – do you think there is a way to get paid for it??

  4. Are you sure YOU didn’t leave that poop in the bed so your scent was there for Sampson? Lol! Perhaps you have totally lost YOUR mind and you we’re sleep pooing? Lol! The poo perhaps was hidden somewhere in that room, and Sampson who was bored, sniffed it out and left it for you so you could remove it from the room. Yes, worry should be a paying job and not just a hobby! You’d be literally rolling in it! Lol!

  6. Obviously you are way off track on this one. You can’t just blame the dog! I don’t think you have a cat, but if you do, that would be the perp in this case. What about hubby? He is the one that is usually in that bed isn’t he? Men are just not as orderly as women you know…I would lean my investigation in his direction. As for eating it, not something we like. Bailie did it a couple times as a young pup but learned not to. Now if the cat box was within reach, those things in there are tasty snacks, but dog poo, not for us. Good luck with your investigation.

  8. Thanks for the laughs this morning! I don’t know which is funnier, you offering D the poop or the look on her face! It’s just too funny!! And, by the way, what’s that on YOUR pillow?

    I miss having my girls on the bed with me while I watch a movie! But if I put the mattress on the floor, I’d never be able to get up in the morning! And I’d lose all that extra “storage” space! LOL

  15. Wow, lol. Poopy mystery indeed. Your Sampson reminds me of my Rummer, who passed away. Of all the bed area she would lay by the pillows and then would give me a look like “what?”

  16. “…what if he had a little one left in the chamber…” Bahahaahaha! OMG. You are hilarious. And I don’t know that there’s ever been a better post title that this one. Ever.
    I can attest to the raw-fed poop business. Far better for cleaning up. I mean, yes, it’s still crap but…. wow, it just occurred to me the morbid conversations we dog owners will candidly have with each other….
    In our house, if there’s a poop surprise somewhere, it’s one of the cats. Always the cats.

  18. I love your posts so much because I can always relate. Crashing gates….unidentified poop….poop eating dogs….dogs hogging the bed. Those are all common occurrences here.
    You would have laughed if you had seen me at about 4 am this morning trying to get back in bed when Luke had taken over my spot when I got up to pee. It’s amazing how heavy 45 lbs of puppy can be when they don’t want to move. So there I am trying to squeeze into about 6 inches of bed and covers, then getting licked to death, and after that being kicked and pushed by 4 paws (I held my ground)! For some reason I never did get back to sleep….LOL.

  19. This post cracked me up!

    Maybe it was Sampson’s version of a mint on the pillow? Only he got his trajectory wrong and it ended up in the bed or else rolled off of the pillow.

    I can’t say my reaction would be the same as yours at finding out the “rock” turned out to be a turd. LOL – puzzlement??? I would have shrieked and flung it. 😉 And best. line. ever. – “…what if he had a little one left in the chamber and when he went to sleep it shot out?”.

  20. LOL! I very tentatively opened this blog post….unsure of exactly how badly somedog pooped in the bed. I can’t get the image of “one left in the chamber” out of my head. Great post.

  21. And also – I get the teeny-tiniest part of my bed at night too….used to have a king size bed, but ex-hubby took it so now we have a full size bed. Can I tell you how traumatic a change that has been? Thumper takes the pillows and Lightning takes the lower half of the bed. I fit somewhere in the middle. My visits to yoga class and massage have significantly increased, just trying to get the muscles all unknotted! You are so correct – the things we do for our dogs. 🙂

  22. Okay, by now everypawdy knows how wordy I am…. but this post may have just left me speechless….

    Oh, but wouldn’t it be nice if they paid us to worry! I can seriously take it to a professional level!

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