Free to good home. We just had a baby and I don’t have time for the dog.
You’ve seen the ads on Craig’s list or the local papers. And if you’re a dog lover it raises your blood pressure, gets you all kinds of pissed off and spouting lines like, “Are you going to get rid of the first child once you have your second?”
The sad reality is people get rid of their dogs far too frequently when they have children. Or the dog simply becomes a nusiance, just another responsibility in a busy and overwhelming life.
My darling AJ (Pup Fan to you, Thelma to my Louise) sent me a message on Facebook on Monday with a link she’d read that fired her up. (I don’t wish to provide the link as I don’t want to give this blog any more traffic. Pup Fan has some awesome quotes and summarizes the post quite well in hers. Go read that.) In this post the woman who absolutely adored her dog had children and her poor little Velvel fell by the wayside. He became somewhat of a thorn in her side.
Pup Fan wrote a beautiful post, “Do you have to choose between having a dog and having kids .” There is some great discussion on this post and I encourage you to read the post and comments.
Pup Fan asked me to weigh in, as a person who has had a dog and children. The sad thing is, I could see so much of myself in the post.
Remember yesterday’s post where I said to Sampson, “Before there was you, I wasn’t me”? Sampson changed me from a dog owner, to a dog lover. And yes, there really is a difference.
Before I had Sampson I owned dogs. Now I am owned by dogs.
I’ve had dogs my entire life. As an adult I’ve had four, Buffy and Roxanne (at different times) and Sampson and Delilah. And if I could turn back time, I would want do-overs for Buffy and Roxanne.
There is no nice way to say this. I was a shitty dog owner.
The last picture of Roxanne.
Hubby always said she was a stupid dog. But I say we were the stupid ones. We had three kids with active lives and we put absolutely no time into Roxanne. She was loved. Yes, she was. But she didn’t have the life she deserved.
And poor Buffy. We were kids having kids raising a puppy on old school traditions. I don’t need to say anymore.
After reading the original post my heart broke for Velvel and it broke for Roxanne and for Buffy too. And if it’s any consolation to Pup Fan, some day AB will feel badly too. Because there are many times I cry for Buffy and Roxanne and for the lives they could have had.
I’m past my child-bearing years now (thank God!) but we do have grandchildren. And our grandchildren came after Sampson and Delilah. Our grandchildren are being raised around our dogs and our grandchildren will know Sampson and Delilah are part of our family. As our grandchildren grow and develop interests and participate in different activities our lives will change.
But not our love for our dogs.
I see Pup Fan’s post as well as the original post as a good thing. It is encouraging great conversation. People are thinking. Adding a dog or a child to your life is a big responsibility. It is a life long commitment and one that you should have discussion about! How will things change for the child/dog when the dog/child arrives? Who will assume what responsibilities and for whom? These are important questions people.
Yes you can have children and dogs, but it requires time and commitment on your behalf. But I can assure you, it is time and commitment well invested.
Did you read the original post? Pup Fans? Is there anything you can add to the conversation?
I’m a prime example of how to have a dog and a baby. I kick ass! Ha. It can be done. I should write a book.
Kari, you totally should!
At the very least a blog post! How has your life changed? Scott’s, Hailee’s? How do you juggle princess, dog, hubby and you time?
And yes love, you do rock.
Louise, this post is beautiful and moving. I can see myself in it as well. You’re not alone, by any stretch – I think back on some of the old school traditions I thought were okay, and I shudder. (As a kid, we had “outside dogs” and I even attended a training class that used choke chains. On BELLA. Little, innocent, sweet Bella. Thank goodness that we didn’t stick with that very long.) In any event, I’m definitely not perfect. Being a part of this pet blogging community has helped me grow and change, and has opened my eyes on many an issue. Learning to have a heart like a dog isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely rewarding.
Thank you for such a wonderful post and for obliging me when I asked you to join me. 🙂
Thank you. It has been a post I have been wanting to write forever, you gave me the kick in the pants that I needed.
The great thing is despite having made wrong choices with our dogs we have learned and became better human beings from it. And better companions to our dogs.
I really believe she will come to regret her treatment of Velvel but if she doesn’t I feel very sorry for her.
Ahhhh…great post there my friend. I wrote a post about this that is going to go up tomorrow. When I had my very first dog as an adult I had no idea what the future held for me let alone that I would have kids in this dogs lifetime. Things didn’t go well when my first child was born which led to my dog going to live with my parents, it wasn’t because I didn’t love my dog or care for him it was that I was overwhelmed and terrified as a first time mom. I never forgave myself for giving my dog to my parents, but in the end it was what was best for all of us.
Jen, I cannot wait to read your post. I have no doubt that the choice you made was what was best for everyone concerned, including the dog. (As you know, I don’t wear judgy pants when it comes to tough choices!)
I wish I’d have done that for my dogs Jen. It was very brave of you to make that decision. You could have made different choices but you didn’t. As we grow, live and learn we sometimes look back with today’s wisdom on choices we made in the past. I’ve often times wished I’d had that wisdom back then.
Looking forward to tomorrow’s post.
The article mentions how it would be difficult for someone without both kids and dogs to understand, but that we can still empathize. I don’t have children, just dogs, so it would be difficult for me to fully comprehend. I can imagine that having children changes your entire life. I’m watching both my sisters’ lives flip around to new priorities and greater responsibilities. How on earth are they able to keep up with two young kids and their pets too? It has definitely been a challenge and one of my sisters admits that she feels guilty about not being able to give her dogs as much attention as she used to. And my other sister is getting frustrated with one of her cats because the cat is not adjusting well to the children. What are they to do? Their time is maxed out so finding the time to help the pets adjust is not easy to come by. Money is maxed out, so hiring a pet trainer is out of the question. Should they stumble through, even if it means not giving their pets as much attention as they had received before the kids came along? Or if they have the opportunity to give their pets a better home where they will get more attention, should they do that instead? As much as I can’t imagine giving my dogs up for anything, I also can’t imagine having to try to juggle all of these things like my sisters are. If they choose to give a pet up to a better home, so long as they do so responsibly and with the best intentions, I will not judge them for it.
Dawn, I actually agree with you on that one. I respect when someone makes a difficult decision to responsibly re-home a dog. Sometimes it is truly what’s best for everyone (and I have a few posts on my blog about that too – I’ve had to make the tough choice that a dog wasn’t working out due to tensions with my other dogs), so I try not to wear the judgy pants in that situation.
(Sorry, Jodi, for being all about your comments section. I’m just really interested to hear what everyone has to say!)
You are right. It is tough to juggle all responsibilities and I agree with AJ, sometimes it is best for the animal to be re-homed whether it be dog or cat. I know what it’s like to have three children, one income and limited time. I would far rather see the dog responsibly re-homed than to be neglected.
Can I wear the judgey pants for everyone since folks are being so kind and understanding up in here?
Though I missed PupFans posts yesterday (Holla AJ! I’m coming to your house next), I do know exactly which article she speaks of. That woman is an asshat and that was honestly *the nicest way I could come up with to say that*.
I have absolutely no issue with those who find that life has changed in such a way that being the person you were before seems impossible. I have no problem with realizing that you are in over your head and you are not doing well with your responsibilities (whatever they may be). I can sympathize with the people who make the decision to responsibly re-home their dogs when and if the time calls for it. To me, there’s a difference between *not knowing any better and making a mistake* (ie. AJ and Bella and their choke chain, Felix and I and cheap dog food, Jodi and whatever sadness she faced with Roxanne & Buffy), but it’s totally another to be the person who knows they’re doing wrong and actually doesn’t really care. You had time to sit down and write a long whining post, but not pay attention to the dog? Time to blog, but not time to look for a solution? They say that when you know better, you do better, but that woman clearly knows better, but doesn’t care.
While I suspect that much of her post was probably meant by her to be full of dry wit and humour, to me, it came across as exactly what is wrong with people today: they’re too self centered and they’re teaching those lessons to their children. That could have been a very different post, with the exact same amount of honestly and regret. With the exact same message: think before you leap. She didn’t have to write it like an ass hat, she chose to.
If you wear all of the judgy pants, would it be like that time on Friends when Joey wore all of Chandler’s clothes? Just curious.
(Also, when you read my post, you’ll realize I totally wore the judgy pants for the asshat in question. She doesn’t even seem to feel bad and that made me want to scream.)
It would be exactly like that…and there will be lunging…and possibly no underpants.
Just spit a mouthful of Margarita on that one. Love you guys!
I heart you so much right now.
Thank you Jodi for presenting a different perspective. It is one thing to continue to do something because you don’t know any different or better way, it is another to see that there is an issue and do nothing about it.
I do suspect she was attempting to be funny but when humor comes at the expense of another living being, it is tough to swallow. And yes you are right, she didn’t have to be an asshat about it.
Many of us didn’t do the best things with our first dogs. Luckily, they’re very forgiving.
While I also get exasperated with people who didn’t think ahead before bringing a dog home, I also worry that we put so much emphasis on adopting a dog for life that people who really should re-home a dog don’t. And the dog suffers.
The ideal is for every dog to have one, forever home. But if the dog’s qualify of life diminishes because their person begrudingly keeps him but not with the best care, is the dog better off?
I don’t know that moderation is possible however. If people think they can just re-home their dogs when they have kids, maybe you’ll make a cheap and stupid decision to begin with.
I guess the only solution is to cultivate more light and understanding all around. So that people don’t have to start out making bad dog chocices to learn important lessons.
You are right. I’ve seen some dogs I think would be better in other homes. We’ve all heard stories of dogs that were returned over and over until that right person was found. When the animal suffers it is far better to re-home.
I think it’s important to have a clear idea and open communication as to how responsibilities will be handled by all involved parties, as you said let’s cultivate more light and understanding. Hopefully these thought provoking posts will be a starting point.
Well said, Pamela. I agree – there has to be a middle ground somewhere in there!
I shouldn’t comment yet since I haven’t had the chance to read the blog posts y’all are talking about; but I can say this much: Although I tend to put my judgy pants pants on when I read about people neglecting their dogs when kids come along, I really have no right to and have been trying to curb those tendencies. I will read the blog posts later, when I have more time. Right now I have to clean the bathroom…ugh! 🙁
It’s hard not to wear judgy pants when we’re passionate about something.
I am so appalled by people who do this – yet, I don’t have a good solution. I had 3 kids and have always had pets. Dogs and/or cats. Never did I think of putting my pets out for adoption because the kids were overwhelming! It angers me that I see so many Moms writing about how overwhelming it is being a Mom today… as if it never was before. I’m pretty serious about this – while trying not to be judgmental because… I am not walking in ‘their’ shoes, so I don’t really know how Moms today are dealing with kids, pets, work, etc. and I don’t have the right to tell them how to live their lives. The thing I worry about is this: a dog or a cat is a living, breathing, FEELING creature. Just the same as a baby. Neglect or abandonment will impact that creature tremendously. I approve of looking for family members to adopt your pet, if you can’t take care of him or her because a baby came along, but… I wish more people would learn that the dog and the cat and any creature you bring into your home and love and care for… will be as devastated by being shoved aside as… any human would be. Don’t adopt if you can’t make a lifetime commitment. (and then, she sighed… our shelters would be even more full, wouldn’t they? bigger sigh)
Yvonne, I don’t know that there is an easy solution. I see women today struggling to raise children and work and they have the help of spouses. I didn’t have that.
I think communication is key. And understanding the commitment it takes for a marriage, a child or an animal. But we have become a throw away society and sadly that pertains to all of the above. How do we change that mentality?
I don’t think it’s so much that we live in a throw away society, though that certainly contributes. I think too many people still think of the family pet as a thing, an object, a toy. They don’t truly connect with the intellect – else, they would not so easily discard this formerly important member of their family. My own family (mother’s side) is like that. Pets are fun and soft and everyone should have one, is their motto…as long as they don’t impact your ability to do all the other important things in your life, like watch TV, or eat potato chips till you burst, or go to sporting events… leaving the pet behind to… behave. Cause, if the neglect I’m talking about produces mischief or ‘issues’ … well, out with that animal. He (or she) just wouldn’t/couldn’t behave.
Really?
I read both posts. I have mixed feelings. I don’t have children, so it’s easy for me to “judge” those that do and give up their pets. I also work with new mothers and see some of them struggle to find support to help them raise this new child. Some who suffer from post-partum depression. Some who are still convinced they can hold onto it all and not go start-raving mad. In those families, I can see how the dog becomes the lowest priority. I would hope, though, they would at least be responsible enough to rehome the dog through a rescue. Of course, that’s easier said than done down here where I live. Rescues are always full and waiting lists are long.
So I try not to judge.
It is tough, very tough and I don’t think there is a simple solution. I try not to judge either but it is easier said then done.
Interesting topic! I don’t have children, but I have seen both sides of this – where one family will continue to make time for their dog as well as their children and then the other family that will just plain resent having that dog (supposed family member) around after the kids arrive. If you want a living thing to care for to “practice” on before the children arrive – get a plant. Don’t get a dog you plan on ditching when he/she becomes inconvenient. Or at the very least have a plan in place where another trusted friend or family member will take over the care of the dog(s) if you feel overwhelmed.
I’ve known some people that have small children and still manage to make time for their own personal hobbies like going to the gym or some sport – yet the dog is housebound – no walks, no trips to the park except maybe once or twice a year. It’s all about priorities. And sadly, the majority of people don’t see meeting the needs of their dog as important.
You are right in that respect. If the dog was truly a member of the family people would make time for him/her. They make time for their spouse and to cultivate that relationship. Why is it so easy to ignore the family pet?
Wow! There is great discussion here and on Pup Fan’s post.
I’ll disclose again that we’re a two-dog DINK household, so I can’t comment on what it’s like to have both dogs and kids, but as much as I try to be empathetic – or maybe just sympathetic – my “judgy pants” have a tight fit and don’t come off very easily (I love how that metaphor is spreading!).
I understand there are always circumstances where surrendering or rehoming a dog is the best option, but I honestly don’t think it’s one I could EVER make, so I’m having trouble rationalizing the decision-making process.
Also, Pup Fan shared this article (http://www.chicagonow.com/raining-cats-dogs/2013/07/five-minutes-to-heartbreak/) with me in her comments and now I’m just generally sad and angry about the whole idea.
I have anecdotal accounts of friends in each situation: kids+keepdog=happy, kids+keepdog=stressful/miserable/neglect, kids+giveawaydog=relief, and kids+giveawaydog=regret.
I think my growing inability to empathize with this decision means I shouldn’t make a determination either way on someone else’s circumstances. No one come to me for advice on this.
But I am really learning from all of the accounts of those who have lived the controversy.
One determination I can easily make is that the original author of the Slate article is indeed an asshat.
I love the discussion! It is the only way we will resolve this issue is by talking about it. I’m not sure I could re-home a dog either but I’d like to think I’d make the best decision for all involved whether there was regret or not.
I loved this, “One determination I can easily make is that the original author of the Slate article is indeed an asshat.” LOVE IT!!
My goal in life is to make judgy pants happen. Much like Gretchen Wieners tried to do for fetch in Mean Girls. 😉
And I think that we can all agree that the Slate woman is Assshat of the Year… or at least the month. Though I have to imagine that she was courting this kind of response writing a post with that kind of tone (and obviously I fell right into her trap).
I want Judgey Pants and a Jump to Conclusions Mat. Make it happen.
OMG the mat exists!
http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2012/03/17/jumping-to-conclusions-is-not-great-exercise/jump-to-conclusions-mat/
No such luck with the pants, though.
Hmmm… I’m sensing a business venture here.
No kids here so I guess I can’t really identify. But I do admire people who are honest even when it is not what others want to hear or even what is popular opinion. (Of course I went to read the original article which did not make me as angry as some, although I do think there is a lot of generalization which may not be a universal truth). I also admire people who realize that they are not giving their pets the homes they deserve and try to find them a better one. I think it takes a very courageous person to see their faults and admit them.
I agree about admiring someone who can admit their flaws and find a way to fix them. If that meant re-homing her dog I wouldn’t like it, but far better for a dog to be loved and cared for then neglected.
If she were honest with herself she would acknowledge that she perhaps wasn’t cut out for juggling parenthood and dog ownership. Sadly all she thinks to do is whine about her circumstance and justify her neglect and uncaring of the dog and try to make something funny out of an unfunny topic.
Your last paragraph perfectly sums up my issues with the Slate article. I do think it’s brave to admit your faults, but I didn’t really feel like she viewed them as faults in the first place.
I didn’t take it that way. I guess many didn’t care for her writing style. Fair enough criticism I suppose.
So I think my blog name, Married with Dawgs, sums it up nicely. It’s not ever gonna be Married with Children and Dawgs (the dawgs part will always be there, the children part will never be). But not because I don’t think you can do both. Life is a journey and an education – both in pet and child-raising. Anyone who thinks they’ve done it perfectly from the get go is both delusional and lying. We make mistakes but the important thing is that we love our children and our animals and continue to learn from our mistakes. No parent and no dog owner is ever perfect. No child and no dog is ever perfect.
With that being said, I’m gonna join the judgy pants crowd and say that raising another living being is ALWAYS hard. What about the values of not abandoning your commitments, learning compromise, responsibility and how to care for another creature? If I did want to have kids, those would be the values I would teach them through having dogs! I haven’t read the original blog post but from the quotes on PupFan’s post, I would wager a guess that woman is going to be as terrible as a mother as she is a dog owner. ‘Cause at the end of the day, being a good guardian to a pet and to a child requires the same set of skills & values. And an understanding that no matter how hard you try, you will not be perfect and teaching your children to accept that life is not perfect is, again, another important life lesson dogs can help with!
Raising another living being is hard and we are not perfect. No matter how hard we try, we will always make mistakes. The key is that we make mistakes, we learn from them and we do not repeat them.
I truly feel badly for her children as I suspect once they become inconvenient for her, she will abandon them as well. At the very least, she is doing them a terrible disservice.
I’ve often seen my friends, weary from a day of battling toddler willfullness, sickness, or just unbridled energy and curiosity sit on the couch with the dog at the end of the day and “recharge” The dog provides solace and loyalty in that “I’ve got your back and I love you even when you forget to wash your hair” kind of way that doesn’t come from humans. Walk me, feed me, let me put my head on your lap when you’re weary. It’s a challenge, yes. We’re not perfect, we have problems and tough days, but it IS doable. And for the sake of unconditional love, it’s more than worth it. If you don’t get that… you shouldn’t own a dog in the first place.
That was beautiful!! It sounds to me like you have some very wise friends!
The more Mom is around friends with kids, the happier she is that she has pets instead. Kids can be a real pain in the behind and limit your life much more than a pet does. Yes, pets and kids are a challenge but I think so many people are just too lazy to figure it out so they get rid of the pet. Just like diets, no one wants to change their lifestyle, they just want to be instantly thin and fit with a pill or something. Pets and kids are a great combination if you do it correctly. Heavens, life is simply not easy!
Mom is very smart Emma. Raising kids is hard!! I’ve done both and I can say, I prefer dogs. 😉
Just came from Pup Fan’s post. Might as well admit that my pants are way too tight and it must be because Jodi C is in here with me. I also agree with what some others have said. Married with Dogs said it best for me: “I would wager a guess that woman is going to be as terrible as a mother as she is a dog owner. ‘Cause at the end of the day, being a good guardian to a pet and to a child requires the same set of skills & values.”
Amen.
I wish my own mother was alive so I could tell her how much it means to me that she taught me how to be a parent AND a dog lover at the same time. And she did it by example.
I didn’t know that it was possible to squeeze into judgy pants with someone else. I think I know what I’m getting you guys for your next birthdays… your own pairs. 😉
And I agree wholeheartedly with your last statement. My mom was the same way, and I wish she was here today so that I could tell her what an impact that made on me.
You didn’t know my judgey pants also happened to be parachute pants eh? Lots of room in here – join us!
Those sound 2 Legit.
My Mom (with whom I am currently staying) would like me to mention that she hates you.
2 legit! 2 legit 2 quit!
step to the rhythm of a sho-nuff winner
i been here before
i ain’t no beginner…
oh ho…I can do this ALL night
Thank you for pointing me to Pup Fan’s post Jodi…I’d missed it…When I was young we had dogs…all of them lived outdoors & I have only vague memories of them…when I was in junior high my dad brought home a min pin…that dog became my mom’s 3rd child (for all of his 18 years) and probably is the reason i became a “dog person”…
Our dogs came inside but there were times when they were hit, or once I saw my father pick up the dog and slam him to the ground because he snapped taking a piece of food from a child. When they were outside they were on a chain, but they weren’t outside 24/7.
My mother had the love affair with cats, those were her babies. Sampson changed everything for me.
Until I had cancer, I was ambivalent about the kids thing. Now, I’m not sure why it changed, but hubby and I are determined to try when I’m cleared post-treatment. What makes me angry (and, okay, quite a bit judgy) is the implication that I wouldn’t be capable of loving and caring for both children and my dogs, that the magnitude of the situation would force me to neglect one or the other. In everything, we have two choices: give up or persevere. For the record, sometimes giving up is the right option. But when you’ve taken on responsibility for the life of another creature, you owe it to him to persevere. In the case of the Slate writer and, I think, many people who choose to give up or neglect their pets when kids come along do it solely out of convenience. I know. Judgy. But I truly resent the accusation that you can’t be a good mom and still care for your pets.
Wow Maggie, I’m sorry to hear about your cancer, I hope you are well on the road to recovery.
Sometimes we go into situations with certain expectations and they never come to fruition. Maybe the Slate writer had the best intentions for Velvel but then just couldn’t make it work and if that’s the case the best thing she can do is to re-home the dog. It seems to me they didn’t put any thought into, how will this dog’s life change and how will we continue to meet his needs while still caring for infants/children.
I agree with you though, she should persevere and to make light of your neglect for your dog, well I guess it takes a special kind of stupid.
There are so many people that are caring for children and pets while not neglecting one or the other, so I say wear your judgy pants.
I read AJ’s post yesterday and left a long reply there. So, here I’ll just say, I appreciate your honesty in this post. I only read the excerpts of the original post that AJ provided, because I didn’t want to give her post any more attention. I guess if she wants to put limits on how much love she can give, that’s her choice. But there will almost certainly be limits on the amount of love she gets back.
As for giving up pets, I used to get upset when dogs would get returned to the shelter where I volunteer. Now it doesn’t bother me at all. If the people didn’t love the dog, or the situation wasn’t right for it, then it’s better off at our shelter, where there are tons of volunteers who will give it love, and where it can stay until it finds a better situation. (Now the only stories at the shelter that really make me sad are the one where dogs are turned in because the owner passed away or had to go into a home.) 🙁
Anyway, I hope her post will makes folks who probably are not prepared for a dog (or a baby!) think twice before getting one. (Or getting pregnant!) Maybe some good will come from the annoying thing. We’ll probably never know, so I’ll just happily imagine that that is the effect it will have.
Thank you Jackie. You are lucky to have a shelter where the dogs are not put down and where they are loved. So many shelters still have not reached this stage.
You are right, maybe her post will make people think twice who knows, if one dog can be saved the fate that befell poor Velvel, well that would be a good thing.
Yes, it’s true that I’m lucky here with the no-kill shelter. It would be terribly sad to see dogs turned into kill shelters. 🙁
Dumb Dumb Dumb…..Millions of years ago when we had our first child, I purposely went out and got a poodle puppy that could grow up with our son. “Princess” was about 3 months older than our son and we got her about a month before our son was born. Princess lived to a ripe old age of 19 and was there for our son’s high school graduation. As the years went by, we also provided a home to a number of other dogs in addition to Princess. I can’t imagine life without at least one dog (and we always had more than one). If anything, they were the playmates for the kids so I could get a rest once in a while…. LOL
Wow you were brave! I don’t know if I’d tackle a puppy and a new born. 🙂 That’s a beautiful story and your children are very lucky to have such a wise mother. I’m sure they also have a love of animals, which we need more of in this world.
I did not read the original post. There was such a commotion about it that I didn’t need to. And yes, I read AJ’s post.
I can relate to “being a shitty dog owner”. I am glad things are different now but I don’t beat myself up about it. Things were different 20+ years ago in the dog ownership world. Expectations and knowledge were different.
When I was a young teenager we had a dog. I was at the age where I was old enough to know that if I relentlessly harassed my parents they would let me get one but young enough that I didn’t understand the responsibility involved. That dog never got much attention anyway but got less when by baby brother was born. The dog was labeled a neurotic nuisance when, looking back, it never got a proper introduction or a chance to BE a good dog.
I consider that I didn’t become a good dog parent until I started blogging. Even now I don’t think I am super great. I was pretty clueless like most dog owners until I entered the blogging world. My eyes were forced open by all of the different things I started reading and learning.
I feel like I am rambling but I guess my point is that a lot of people don’t understand the REAL responsibility of having a dog. They don’t understand that a dog is not something to be tossed away lightly once a kid arrives. It is a person’s “responsibility” to integrate the two beings together.
PS…I don’t have any kids and pretty much don’t have on planning any. Now when people ask me if I am going to have kids I say “Noooo…my dogs would NOT approve”. Ha, ha.
Agreed. Dog ownership was different twenty years ago and we are largely what we are raised as. I have been a good dog owner for almost nine years now, and that is largely due to the internet, and exposure to other dog owners as well as maturity. There are still regrets for me though.
I love your attitude about the dogs not approving, that is priceless!
Great post. Even know you think you were a shitty dog owner in the past you probably weren’t as bad as you think and it taught you how to be a better dog owner in the future so you learned something from it and that is more than I can say about most people. Some people should not own animals.
Thanks JoAnn, you are very kind. And I agree, some people should not own animals!!
I’d like to think I have learned to be a good dog owner.
I saw the post you are referring to, I think via AJ as well. I am so glad you wrote this post Jodi. I saw just this thing happen next door. The family had a daughter around 8 years old and a toddler at 3 years old. Then they got a puppy. They really couldn’t be bothered with it much and I don’t think the daughter liked him much either. So when they knew they were going to split up? They gave him away. I suspect on Craigslist.
Ugh. Makes me so damn mad. They had him a total of 6 months.
To be honest, I wish families didn’t get a dog until their kids were closer to being a teenager. I have seen too many dogs surrendered for all of the reasons you listed above.
In fairness to Roxanne, she did have the kids and she was loved. She should have been socialized, and walked and included in family outings.
Poor little Buffy was doomed from the start. We got him when I was pregnant and then I unexpectedly had twins. Neither of them ever got any formal obedience or socialization.
I think people need to understand the responsibilities of dog ownership before they add them to a houseful of kids. That sucks about your neighbors. I would fight my husband to the death for our dogs if something ever happened between us.
I’ve been following all the conversations about this, but haven’t said too much, because all the right things have already been said. At first I was just too mad about that article, and didn’t even know what to say. Your take is a bit different, and a great addition to the conversation. We didn’t even have children, but the way our first dog was treated is way different than the current dogs. We had to learn a lot along the way, which I suppose is really the way it is with children too. Our third dog came from a family member whose situation may have been similar to yours with Roxanne. They were so busy with their kids that they felt they just weren’t giving Kobi the time and attention he deserved. They asked if we would take him since we had a dog already and they thought we would be ideal. They were heartbroken to do it, but ultimately it worked out for everyone….Kobi is still with us and we may never have had multiple dogs if they hadn’t asked us to take him. I imagine you are being a little hard on yourself….but I understand the feeling. We lost one of our dogs to being hit by a car, and I will forever blame myself for that.
When AJ asked me to weigh in on it, I read the post and saw so much of myself in it and that is how I had to approach it.
I tend to get angry and I try and choose my words cautiously because many times after I’ve had time to cool down and heard how other people feel I can approach the topic from a different direction. There has been a lot of talk and that is a good thing, and from reading all the posts and reading all the awesome comments I think if a person re-homes their dog responsibly (not just drop at a shelter) then it may be what is best for all.
Thank you for weighing in on this.
We are late in our blog reading and just catching up … read the article. Just want to add with the other comments. I don’t have kids Sugar is my kid.
I used to teach young children (3-6) 50% of them have dogs. Sugar usually visits every Friday wherein I lessons about dogs. It is important for young children to learn that their pet dog is an integral part of their family.
I have many friends that have a dog before they had kids and they are managing well. I felt that this woman is just being selfish and being “entitled” Lots of Golden Thanks for sharing. Dogs are the best companions that should never be abandon. Golden LOVE, Sugar’s mom
Thanks for joining the conversation Ros. What you and Sugar are doing is so important. We will see a big change in the treatment of animals once our children are educated and understand the human/animal connection.
I miss you!!
I don’t have children, but I do have regrets with my first dog too. I think we all learn and grow as we go, and hopefully, pave the way for the new dogs in our lives to have a better life.
Looking back, you can either beat yourself up for your mistakes, or learn from them. It sure sounds like you did the latter. 🙂
I’m blown away by this thoughtful post and all of the comments. I do love the takeaway message though, whatever you do, be thoughtful about committing, to your pets, to having kids, or even to re-homing those pets somewhere safe and happy if you have to. I only have pets now, but when I think of all the love my own family’s pets brought to our home as a kid, how much we bonded over them, and still do, I want to encourage everyone to “hold on!” but I also know getting through those first few years with a baby can be crazy, and would not want a pet to feel neglected. Growing up with animals around made a huge difference for me as a kid. Sometimes, especially at tough ages, your dog or cat is the only one you can go to. Here’s to the next generation of responsible pet owners.
Hi Y’all!
I already left my 2 cents on My Brown Newfies. I do want to say, no matter what or why your decision to rehome a dog, if you don’t have a reliable family member to look after him/her, try to get a breed rescue or type rescue to take your dog and re-home it. Don’t ever offer “free to good home” in a newspaper or on the Internet. EVER!
BrownDog’s Human