We have a tradition in our house when we first come home.
We must pay homage to the King. I know I’ve written about this before, but this post is more about balancing attention between Sampson and Delilah.
Delilah typically greets us at the door, while Sampson will wait at the top of the stairs. Once the initial greeting is over and you have gone to unload your packages or put your lunch stuff away one of two things will happen with each of the dogs.
Sampson will 1) take one of his bones and lie there licking and gnawing the bone all the while pretending that he doesn’t care what you are doing, or 2) he will just lie on the floor waiting for you to finish what you are doing and go love on him.
Delilah will 1) grab her favorite toy or bone and roll around on her back playing with the toy or 2) be all up in your stuff, pushing her way through begging for attention.
With Delilah requiring so much work and attention I often times feel like Sampson takes a back seat and this makes me feel very sad.
Like Kirsten and Lamar at Peaceful Dog, I do my best to make sure Sampson gets the attention first. As soon as my arms are free I head on over and lay on the floor with him, rubbing his face, his ears his tummy.
For the longest time I was trying to give Delilah the same kind of attention I was giving Sampson, but it just didn’t seem to be working. A couple of weeks (or so) ago, I read somewhere about giving little massages to your dogs.
I decided to try it with Delilah.
Instead of soft, little caresses, Delilah gets deep, stimulating massage. I will massage her shoulders, her back and the tops of her back legs. I also will give her a little head massage.
Delilah loves her massages, instead of rolling over and taking off like she used to do, she now stands there calmly letting me massage her. I’ve recently started naming it and asking her if she wants her massage, so she begins to recognize what comes next.
Who knows if the word cookie, dinner or snack can get her jumping around, maybe the word massage will calm her down. 🙂
In my opinion when you have two entirely different dogs, it’s all about find balance and I really feel like I’m finally getting a handle on it.
Are there any special rituals you do with your dog(s)? If you have more than one, have you found a balance, a way to give each dog what they need?
Some of the best advice I ever got was not to try to treat my kids or my dogs the same way. They are all different entities, with different needs and all of them have let me know what kind of attention they want from me.
It was hard to do but I finally learned not to reward bad behavior by giving that kid or dog more attention. Praise the good one and the other will want to copy that behavior.
You are right, it is hard and so many times the trouble-maker gets the attention. It was hard for me as a parent and it is hard as a dog owner. I’m working on it though. I know they are different I just didn’t correlate the two!
That’s really interesting. When I took Flo to puppy pre-school, the trainer had us stroke the dogs when they were calm using big long strokes with the intent that this could be used to calm them in certain situations. Thankfully Flo isn’t that excitable but she still enjoys the big calming strokes.
Hey whatever works is what I say! So far this seems to be working, plus I think (like Jan said) it’s good to treat them differently. Each one of us is unique in our own way and deserve to be treated as such.
Chessies can either take or leave the attention…lol. Of course Freighter still runs to great me at the door so I oblige him. Sounds like you have a nice ritual going.
So Thunder and Storm don’t run to greet? Do you think Freighter will outgrow it too or worse yet, follow in the 2 BrownDawgs footsteps? 🙂
No they don’t greet. Chessies are happy to see you, but reserved about it. One pet on the head and they are good. Freighter will probably out grow greetings too.
With only one dog, I don’t have to worry about favouritism. The kids know I love the dog best. 🙂
That is what I love about you! LOL My kids think I love the dogs more than I love them too! 🙂
Glad you are finding balance with your crew. And the massage thing certainly seems worth a shot. Definitely keep us all informed!!
It might be good for your dogs too Donna! Maybe Leah could use a little massage. 😉
Jodi, this sounds exactly like our situation! I feel your struggle! When I come home, after Fozzie and Lamar are done yelling and yodeling at the door, Lamar goes right in to the bedroom and I go right in after him, where I cover him with kisses and listen to his happy groans. Only after we’re done making out do I go back out and kiss Fozzie’s hot head, and now endure Collette’s manic jumping and slurping.
It does take some work to find balance, but it makes me feel a bit better toward Lamar. 🙂
YOU were what inspired me Kirsten! I read your post and said, “Dang, I do the exact same thing!!” Then I realized I was doing other things you were doing as well. Tonight’s post will cover that too!
I think Lamar and Sampson deserve the special attention and I’m glad you’ve found something that is working for you as well.
De does the deep, stimulating massage thing with me and I just stand there. It’s very relaxing!
So you see the benefit too!! That’s awesome Bassa, I’m glad you get the special attention. 🙂
You always give me knew things to think about! When we get home the very first thing I do is take my dog outside but once we get back in she behaves very much like Delilah: jumps around, throws her Kong repeatedly on the floor and does all she can to get our attention. Usually I give in – bad dog trainer! Perhaps massage instead of a wild game of tug should become our routine. If it works to help calm Delilah there is hope it could help us too!
We once had a trainer come out that told us to ignore our dog until they stopped acting like a lunatic. With Sampson it is only a couple of seconds, with Delilah it is longer. While I don’t typically ‘ignore’ them, I got about doing what I have to do and within that first minute or so the joy of seeing me again has worn off. At least that’s what I tell myself Kristine! LOL
If you try it with the Shivester, let me know!
In the world of Occupational Therapy (of which I have learned some due to Cody’s Sensory Processing difficulties) your massage is giving Delilah deep pressure, a form of Sensory Modulation. Check out the Wilbarger Protocol, it used brushing and pressure as a way to help organize a child’s sensory system. Interesting stuff but I am not sure I am 100% sold on it. It is interesting to me that it seems to work with Delilah but then why would it not work on dogs and other animals?
I’m going to check that out as soon as I can Shoes! Thanks, I should have known you would know about this.
Tonight I sat and brushed Sampson for about 20 minutes and he just sat there loving it. 🙂 And yes you are right, if it works on humans why shouldn’t it work on animals as well?
With 3 dogs, I quickly learned to accept that it was impossible to dole out love, attention, exciting trips, hikes, dog parks visits, walks, treats, etc, etc in exactly the same amount equally to each dog. But I make efforts for each of them to have their special time & attention and I don’t worry too much about the rest.
That is exactly why I am hesitating to add a third dog. I have enough trouble walking the two I have, I don’t think I could manage a third. Of course if I was home all day I might actually consider it.
As long as they all get what they need, it doesn’t matter if it’s not all the same. 🙂
Way to listen to the dogs. Great job, Jodi.