Heart Like a Dog

The Good, the Bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs!

To Cassie, With Love….Day Three Hundred, Thirty Eight

By

There’s a song title, “My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys”. Personally, my heroes have always been soldiers.  19 months ago, my youngest daughter started basic training in the United States Army.  She was a hero to me long before that.

I ask you to forgive me for deviating from my traditional blog today and instead allow me to honor my beautiful, strong, brave, and smart daughter.

These past few days, I’ve been updating you as to what has been going on in our lives in the wake of Winter Storm Alfred.

I’ve kept you posted as to how we are surviving without electricity, and how we are making the best of how Alfred has affected us.

What I haven’t shared is how emotional this week has been for me.  You see, Tuesday we were supposed to fly out to Monterey, California and watch our youngest daughter graduate with honors from the Defense Language Institute Foreign Language Center.  The ceremony was today.   Due to the snowstorm and the subsequent loss of power, we had to cancel our trip in order to stay home and take care of our home and dogs.

We’ve had a rocky relationship, Cassie and I.  It hasn’t always been easy, in fact most of her childhood was hard.

Most of the reason our relationship was hard was because I didn’t have the vision to look outside the box, and acknowledge that all children are not the same, that we all have our own wants and needs.

I reacted to and raised her based upon my own childhood demons, not having the capabilities to see that what I wanted, no needed as a child wasn’t necessarily what she wanted or needed growing up.

I made mistakes, boy did I make mistakes.  I did things raising my girl that I am not proud of.

We reached a point in our relationship where she needed to be on her own, to learn and grow without the shadow of her parents looming over her.  We became estranged for a period of time, but then slowly we found our way back to one another.

We’ve developed an adult relationship these last eight years–one that I’ve learned to treasure.

Oh, but I yearn to go back in time and change things, rectify the mistakes I made, but if there is one thing I have learned from this woman I call daughter, it’s this:  The experiences and life lessons, no matter how harsh, shape us into the human beings we are today.  If we are proud of who we are, then we can have no regrets in life.  This is the lesson Cassie  has taught me.

I’ve tried to talk to her about my failings as a parent, and her response is, “Whatever happened in the past is what makes me who I am today.  When you tell me you are sorry it makes me feel like you aren’t proud of me.”

Did I mention my daughter is wise–wise beyond her young 25 years?

And that I am proud.  So very proud of who she is and what she has become.

Today our daughter received an award, one of only three awards given in her class.

Due to Winter Storm Alfred, we had to cancel our trip and miss this very important day in our daughter’s life.

Living without electricity and all the little amenities we take for granted on a daily basis has been inconvenient, but it is something I can live with.  I’m having a harder time with missing this important event.

So to my daughter, I am so very proud of you and all you have accomplished and I love you with all my heart.

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Comments

  2. oh I am so sorry you had to miss the trip. I can understand how all the trials you are putting up with in regards to the storm is nothing compared to missing her special day. Parents make mistakes, children make mistakes too. Whats important is that the town find each other and connect on level of understanding and sometimes that takes years. Im closer to my mom at age 33 than I ever have been. I love this post. its true and raw. nothing wrong with admitting mistakes or faults we all have them, just not everyone has the courage to say it. Your daughter or any soldier is my hero, Congrats to your daughter.

    • Is there a relationship more complicated than parent and child? Oh raising children is tough and sometimes we react to how we wanted to be treated as children and we are reacting emotionally.

      You are right, we all make mistakes and my one hope is that we all learn from our mistakes and don’t repeat them. Sometimes it takes waiting until the child has grown to reach that common place of understanding.

      Kari I am glad you have a good relationship now with your mom. It is so important!

      Thank you for taking the time to share.

  3. Very nice job Jodi!!! How I would love someone to write about me like that!! Cassie is a lucky woman!! Cassie….you are wonderful!!!

  4. This made me cry! I am so proud of Cassie and I wish we all could have been there for her. I know she understands but I really miss her, especially today. Love you Mom

    • Lynnie, as you can imagine I shed a few tears myself. 🙂 I know she understands but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. 🙁 I miss her a whole lot too.

      I love you too baby~

  5. I am crying … I wish my mom ever would be as brave as you and acknowledge somethings… but that I know I will die waiting for… thanks Jodi for being such an inspiration… it takes guts to apologize.. and Cassie..you rock!

    • I’m sorry I made you cry! I know your relationship with your mom is tough, sometimes moms make mistakes and don’t know how to fix them.

      I’m sure your mom loves you in the best way she can. Sometimes we really are acting and reacting from our own experiences and not thinking about what the other person needs.

      I pray she comes around and you two heal your relationship. 🙂

  7. Oh my what a sweet and touching post. It sounds like you have a wonderful daughter, who does indeed sound very wise beyond her years. I am so sorry you could not have been there to celebrate this day with her but I am sure she knows you are there in spirit.

  9. Congratulations to you and your daughter. So sorry that you had to miss her important event, but some things are just out of our hands. No one can go back and change the past, but we can learn from it and move ahead remembering all we have learned. It sounds like you have done that. It is wonderful that you and your daughter have been able to mend your relationship.

    And to your daughter…thank you so much for your service.

  10. Thank you, you are pretty wise too. 😉

    I try to learn from my mistakes, I owe that to myself and others around me with whom I interact. 🙂

  11. What a wonderful tribute to your daughter, and so happy you have both learned to look beyond past mistakes. That only makes your relationship stronger! I am so sorry you had to miss such a special day in her life. 🙁

  14. Jodi so sorry you had to miss your daughters big day. This is one of the most wonderful posts I have read and I am in awe of how open and honest you are about your feelings and your daughter sounds like she is a wonderful person and that is because of her parents.

    Thank you Cassie for your service to our country.

  15. You must have done something right; Cassie has decided to give of herself in service to her country, and that is a brave, honourable, and self-sacrificing choice. You must be immensely proud, and you should be.

  16. So sorry you missed Cassie’s special day. You have every right to be so proud of her. [We all have regrets of things we did raising our kids; I’m glad your daughter is gracious and wise enough to not only forgive you but counsel you to let it go.] Wow.